Everywhere I go with my toddler, people seem to feel the need to reach out and touch her. Whether at the grocery store, park, or family gatherings, it doesn’t matter if they are older or just a few months her senior. Picture a tiny, giggling marshmallow with big, innocent eyes—who wouldn’t want to squeeze her? But here’s the truth: my daughter is a person, deserving of the same bodily autonomy now as she will be throughout her life.
As I guide her through the basics of drinking from a cup, I am also teaching her to assert herself and say no to unwanted touches, even from those who love her, including me. Thankfully, toddlers are great at saying “no.”
Research shows that cute babies trigger a dopamine release in our brains, the same chemical associated with love and pleasure. This effect isn’t just limited to humans; adorable baby animals have a similar impact. As a result, moms often find themselves in the role of gatekeepers, ready to intervene when well-meaning strangers draw too close to their infants.
However, as children become mobile, the urge to touch them tends to diminish. Most toddlers are in constant motion, often sticky and prone to runny noses, making them less appealing for unsolicited affection. This was true for my older children, and it was a relief to see fewer hands reaching for them as they grew.
My youngest daughter, however, is a different story. Though she is fully mobile, she loves to engage with everyone around her, greeting strangers with exuberant smiles and cheerful “Hi!” and “High five!” Her delightful demeanor and soft skin draw attention, and I often see people struggling to resist the urge to reach out.
But that does not give anyone the right to touch her, or any toddler, simply because they find it enjoyable. Children are not toys or fluffy animals; they deserve to choose who gets to hug, tickle, or kiss them. When they say no, that should be respected just as it would be for any adult.
Admittedly, this can feel a bit extreme. I’ve encountered challenges teaching this lesson to family and friends who genuinely adore my daughter. Even within our family, my husband and I have had to learn to recognize her boundaries, which were less defined during her infancy. We are gradually improving at allowing her to indicate when she wants affection, and we make it clear that her “no” is taken seriously.
As parents, it might be tempting to think we are above these rules. But if we want to empower our children to advocate for themselves and seek consent in all areas of life, we must start respecting their personal space from a young age.
Let’s work together to be more mindful about respecting toddlers’ boundaries. The hugs they choose to give will mean so much more when they are freely given.
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In summary, teaching our children about bodily autonomy and the importance of consent starts early. We must recognize that our adorable toddlers deserve to define their comfort levels, and in doing so, we cultivate a future of respect and self-advocacy.
Keyphrase: toddler autonomy
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