By: Jamie Carter
Updated: Dec. 30, 2023
“You look fantastic, Jamie! Have you lost weight?”
For much of my adolescence and adulthood, I was greeted with this remark from family and friends alike. My friends seemed to be in awe of my slim physique, trying to uncover my “secret” to weight loss. Each compliment acted like a boost, making me feel as if my value and desirability were tied to how much I weighed.
If only they understood the painful reality hidden beneath my exterior. There was nothing magical about my weight loss journey. While I was being celebrated for my slenderness, I was secretly entrenched in an eating disorder, grappling with body dysmorphia, and developing a dependency on diet pills. Despite the outward appearance, I was never truly happy or comfortable in my own skin. Sure, I found fleeting joy in seeing my collarbone and an increased thigh gap, but those compliments only stoked my obsession to continue losing weight.
Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw an exaggerated version of myself—larger than I truly was. When people praised my weight loss, it only fueled my desire to shed more pounds. No matter how much weight I lost, it was never enough. My fixation on being the thinnest person in the room overshadowed my mental and physical health.
Fast forward four years, and I’ve not received a single compliment about my weight. After having two children, I gained 75 pounds. My body has changed significantly; my stomach has grown, my hips are wider, and I occupy more space than I ever did. However, I’ve also healed from my eating disorder and am learning to appreciate my body as it is. I am still me, but I now approach my self-image with compassion and strength.
Yet, despite my journey toward self-acceptance and improved health, those who once praised my slim form have remained silent about my current size. This silence speaks volumes about how we equate a person’s worth with their weight.
When we assess a person’s health, value, or attractiveness solely on their weight, we foster a culture of disordered eating, self-loathing, and shame. This perpetuates unrealistic societal pressures that many cannot sustain. Research from UCLA indicates that dieting often leads to temporary results at best; most people regain the weight, and many gain even more. “Diets do not lead to sustained weight loss or health benefits for the majority of people,” says Traci Mann, a psychologist and lead researcher.
Despite overwhelming evidence that diets typically fail, many still chase the idea of losing weight as a desirable goal. From a young age, I was bombarded with weight-loss advertisements, images of extreme thinness, and skinny role models. I began dieting in my preteens, and by my teenage years, I was already entrenched in dangerous behaviors like binging and purging. No one ever questioned my health; everyone was too focused on my thinness to see the damage.
This dynamic is troubling. Just as we respect a woman’s choice to announce her pregnancy, we must consider the potential harm of praising weight loss. Such compliments can inadvertently shame those who may not be on a weight loss journey, creating an environment of judgment that is particularly damaging to children. As parents, we have a duty to nurture our kids’ sense of self-worth, regardless of their size. They need to see a world where all bodies are accepted and valued.
It’s time to let go of the belief that our self-worth is tied to our weight. If you find yourself thriving on compliments about your body, know that you’re not alone. I understand that feeling all too well, and I want you to recognize that you don’t have to remain on this exhausting path.
It’s not your fault that society has conditioned you to value yourself based on the number on the scale. Our medical systems have yet to adapt to a more inclusive understanding of health at various sizes. It’s crucial to accept that your worth goes beyond your appearance. You deserve love and respect, regardless of your weight.
There’s immense freedom in stepping away from the relentless pursuit of thinness. You are worthy of that freedom, just as I am.
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In summary, let’s shift the narrative surrounding body image and self-worth. Compliments should celebrate who we are as individuals, not just how we look.
Keyphrase: The harm of weight loss compliments
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