It’s astonishing how adults often make comments about children that can create unnecessary discomfort and potentially harm their emotional well-being. Many don’t recognize the impact of their words, and when I try to address it—whether with family or strangers—I sometimes feel like the bad guy. For instance, I really don’t need a cashier telling my son that people would envy his long lashes. And no, random person at the park, my “gorgeous daughter” isn’t a heartbreaker, nor will I be locking her away. And Grandpa, I can’t predict whether my 8-year-old daughter and her boy friend will end up as a couple someday; they’re just kids. They’re far too young to be concerned about dating or relationships.
Yet, this narrative is all too common. Adults tend to assign gender roles based on superficial traits—long eyelashes shouldn’t be exclusively labeled as a feminine feature, just as short hair shouldn’t automatically indicate masculinity. They also unfairly place the onus on children for the emotional reactions of others—particularly when it comes to boys feeling rejected by girls. If someone feels heartbroken, it’s not the responsibility of the child they like to change their behavior or to shield themselves from someone who expresses affection. Moreover, when we see kids of different genders playing together, many adults jump to the conclusion that their relationship is romantic, rather than viewing them as friends.
We must stop asking young children if their friends are their ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend.’ This query assumes a binary understanding of gender based solely on how a child presents themselves through clothing or hairstyles. Children may identify as nonbinary or gender fluid, and making assumptions can be not only silly but also harmful. Furthermore, implying that friendships between different genders are inherently romantic reinforces the idea that heterosexual relationships are the standard. If you’re going to label friendships, why not do the same for two girls or two boys? This bias teaches kids that only heterosexual love is valid, while neglecting to show them that love and identity exist along a spectrum.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I was aware of my sexuality at a young age, yet I felt compelled to keep it hidden due to societal norms. Events like Valentine’s Day were daunting; the expectation was that my crush would be a boy, which felt so wrong. Friends would often joke about my male classmates being my boyfriends, but the truth was, those boys were like brothers to me—companions I enjoyed being with, not romantic interests. When adults made light of these friendships, it shifted the dynamic for me and my peers.
Kids often find the notion of love outside of familial affection to be quite embarrassing. When adults label these innocent relationships with terms that are far too mature, it alienates and confuses children. We need to let kids form friendships free from the weight of adult expectations or judgments, especially those that normalize heterosexual relationships as the default.
I cherish that my children have a diverse circle of friends. Two of my children are naturally outgoing, while my youngest finds social interactions a bit daunting. My role as a parent is to guide them in nurturing healthy friendships. We talk openly about not dismissing potential friendships based on gender, race, or other differences. It’s vital that adults refrain from interpreting their friendships through a romantic lens.
Kids need supportive friends, regardless of gender. They don’t need adults making inappropriate jokes about future dates or marriages. If you’re interested in exploring how to support your own family through the journey of parenthood, you might find this post about couples’ fertility journeys useful. For more insights on home insemination, check out this at-home intracervical insemination syringe kit that provides comprehensive guidance on the subject. Additionally, you may want to explore this excellent resource on infertility for broader information on pregnancy and family planning.
In conclusion, let’s give our children the space to form friendships without the labels and expectations that come with adulthood. Encouraging them to embrace a variety of relationships will help them grow into accepting and open-minded individuals.
Keyphrase: Stop labeling children’s friendships
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