Every year, as Mother’s Day approaches, a wave of blog posts and articles emerge urging mothers to consider those for whom this holiday may be painful. There’s an increasing push for mothers to step back and allow space for those who have experienced loss.
I speak from experience as someone who has navigated the complexities of motherhood. I was once a child without a mother, having spent over twenty years estranged from mine, who passed away shortly after we reconciled. I also know the heartache of longing for motherhood, having struggled with infertility and the adoption process. I empathize with the pain that can surface around Mother’s Day, with reminders of personal loss permeating the atmosphere.
However, I can’t shake the unsettling feeling that much of the criticism surrounding Mother’s Day may be a veiled expression of sexism.
1. Mothers are Often Marginalized in Society.
To those without children, it might appear that mothers have it all figured out. Yet, in the U.S., mothers are frequently held back in their careers. Unlike many countries, we lack guaranteed paid maternity leave, and childcare costs are often staggering, which forces one parent—commonly the mother—to sacrifice career advancement.
2. Father’s Day Faces No Such Scrutiny.
On Father’s Day, my social media feeds are devoid of messages urging sensitivity towards fatherless children or men dealing with child loss. This day, which was created to celebrate fathers, does not elicit the same level of critique that Mother’s Day does.
3. Mother’s Day is Uniquely Scrutinized.
While there are several secular holidays that honor specific groups without facing the same level of oversight, Mother’s Day is an exception. For instance, during Veterans Day, those of us without military connections step aside to let veterans be honored. The same goes for Valentine’s Day and Halloween, which cater to specific demographics without calls for inclusivity.
4. The Calendar is Full of Exclusive Celebrations.
As long as these celebrations stem from a place free of discrimination, they can be acceptable. Those who don’t run marathons don’t begrudge runners their events. Adults don’t ask children to tone down their excitement during school breaks, and non-students don’t demand that college students downplay their academic successes. Not everyone can partake in every celebration, nor should there be an expectation of universal inclusion.
5. Mothers Face Unique Expectations.
Mothers receive a plethora of conflicting advice on how to navigate their roles. We are both marketed to and criticized, often demonized by the media while simultaneously idolized. Now, we’re being told to temper our Mother’s Day celebrations in consideration of those who may feel excluded. This ongoing scrutiny feels like yet another attempt to control women, especially mothers.
Mother’s Day has its roots in feminism, originating from early celebrations of mother goddesses and calls for peace among mothers during the Civil War. In its modern context, Mother’s Day allows mothers a chance to unite and support one another, despite societal pressures to divide us. It also provides families an opportunity to pause and reflect on the vital mother-child bonds.
While the complexities of motherhood can evoke strong emotions, we can honor those who have faced loss while also allowing mothers and families the space to celebrate as they choose. This balance can exist without guilt or division.
In conclusion, Mother’s Day can be a day of joy and recognition for mothers and families of all kinds. To learn more about navigating motherhood, including options like artificial insemination, check out this in-depth guide. For additional insights into pregnancy, visit Healthline’s excellent resource. For further reading on this topic, you can also check out this article.