As a mother of two children with special needs, I’ve encountered a lot of unsolicited advice and criticism. Yet, one phrase in particular makes my skin crawl: “Can’t you just…?”
I’ve heard this too many times regarding my son’s dietary restrictions. “Can’t you just make him eat?” Well, forcing someone to eat is generally considered inappropriate, don’t you agree?
This phrase has also come up when I’ve been managing a public outburst. “Can’t you just discipline him?” The idea that a simple punishment could change a condition like autism is not only misguided but also frustrating. And when I share the challenges of finding a babysitter for a rare night out, I often hear, “Can’t you just find someone?” It’s not that straightforward. Are you volunteering to help?
It’s exhausting to think that after all my years of parenting, someone who has spent mere minutes with my kids thinks they have the solution. I’ve read countless books and spent hours researching, all while navigating the complexities of my children’s behaviors and needs. If I had the answers, believe me, I would have implemented them by now.
I know that most people have good intentions and simply don’t grasp the day-to-day realities of our lives. However, those words often feel belittling. We’re constantly searching for effective strategies for our children, and it’s disheartening when someone implies we haven’t tried hard enough.
If you truly want to support a parent of a special needs child, hold off on unsolicited advice unless they ask for it. Instead, consider offering some words of encouragement. Phrases like, “You’re doing an amazing job,” or “Is there any way I can help?” can be incredibly uplifting. Sometimes, all we need is a kind ear—and maybe some coffee too.
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In summary, it’s essential to be sensitive when engaging with parents of children with special needs. Offering support rather than unsolicited advice can make a significant difference in their lives.
Keyphrase: phrases to avoid with special needs parents
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