Whenever the subject of extended breastfeeding comes up, there’s often a familiar refrain: “After a certain age, isn’t it more for the mom than the child?” This statement can elicit a chuckle from any mother who has chosen to nurse a toddler or preschooler.
Like many others, I nursed my three children until they were just past three years old. I didn’t have a strict timeline; my approach was simply to let them decide when they were ready to stop. Growing up with a mother who was a La Leche League leader and later became a lactation consultant, I was accustomed to the idea of extended breastfeeding. My mom nursed me until I was 2.5, and I watched my younger sibling nurse into preschool. I also came across extensive research that supported the benefits of breastfeeding for at least two years, as endorsed by the World Health Organization. Thus, nursing beyond a year felt entirely natural to me.
Initially, I didn’t plan on nursing for that long, but once I had a toddler, my perspective changed. Nursing a three-year-old doesn’t begin with a three-year-old; it starts with a newborn who grows and gradually nurses less frequently. There’s no specific moment when it feels strange; it can be tiring at times but never inherently odd.
I often wonder where the notion that extended breastfeeding is more for the mother than the child comes from. In my experience, I’ve met many mothers who practiced child-led weaning, and most were ready to stop breastfeeding even before their children were. I personally felt prepared to wean around age two. However, my kids had a strong attachment to nursing, particularly at bedtime. Forcing a sudden stop would have been as distressing as taking away their favorite toy. I preferred to avoid the upheaval of weaning when they weren’t ready.
In reality, we had been gradually weaning since my children began eating solid foods. The process was slow, guided by both me and my kids. I began by nursing only when they requested it, then occasionally distracted them when they asked to nurse at a time I wasn’t comfortable. As I became more ready to wean, we established boundaries around when and where we could nurse. These transitions took place over a couple of years, ultimately leading to nursing only in the morning. It was a gentle and gradual process.
Throughout this journey, I never found myself thinking, “I really want to breastfeed right now.” Sure, in the early days of engorgement, it was a relief, but beyond that, my motivations were not self-serving. Those who suggest that breastfeeding past a year is for the mother’s benefit have likely never nursed a toddler. Toddlers can be demanding, and while nursing can be a bonding experience, it’s not always a walk in the park. Nevertheless, research indicates that continued nursing poses no harm beyond a year, and breast milk remains nutritious for as long as a child continues to nurse. Since my children derived joy from it, I was happy to let them wean at their own pace.
So, no, I didn’t choose to breastfeed beyond infancy to cling to their youth, fulfill my own needs, or derive personal pleasure from it. Such assertions imply disturbing motivations, which is not only offensive but also misleading.
I don’t comprehend why some feel compelled to make such inappropriate assumptions about experiences outside their own. While it may seem unusual to some, it is essential to understand that unfamiliarity does not equate to unhealthiness or inappropriateness. For those of us who have nursed well past a year, we assure you that there is nothing strange or selfish about it. It is simply a gradual weaning experience embraced by countless women throughout history.
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In summary, extended breastfeeding is a natural, well-researched practice that many mothers choose for the well-being of their children, rather than personal gain. It’s a gradual process that fosters emotional connections and supports healthy development.