I’m the Voice of Reason in My Marriage, and It Can Be Frustrating

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“Let’s go on a quick getaway this weekend!” my husband, Mark, exclaims on a bustling Thursday evening, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “We can pack the kids and find a hotel for the night. They’ll adore it!”

He’s absolutely right; the kids would enjoy it, and I would too. The thrill of a mini-vacation is tempting, especially under Mark’s infectious enthusiasm. But then my practical mind kicks in, and I begin to consider the logistics of packing for everyone, the amount of gear we’d have to haul for just one night.

I start calculating the costs of our weekend adventure—gas, hotel expenses, meals for six, entrance fees to attractions, and of course, those not-so-cheap souvenirs. Just recently, we shelled out money for car repairs, and we have more significant expenses on the horizon.

I think about all the tasks that would remain unattended while we’re off enjoying ourselves, like the never-ending pile of laundry and the grocery list that only seems to grow longer.

“We shouldn’t go,” I finally say, laying out my rational objections. Mark nods reluctantly, understanding my viewpoint but visibly deflated. I can’t help but feel that I’ve extinguished his excitement, and that frustrates me.

Mark and I are quite different; he’s the spontaneous dreamer, while I’m the cautious planner. I’ve become the practical one, always weighing the downsides and potential consequences, a far cry from the adventurous spirit I once was. I fell for his free-spirited nature, which encouraged me to embrace life’s spontaneous moments—like that time we went camping for just a couple of nights and ended up extending our trip for an entire week.

Back then, we were young and carefree, without the responsibilities of children or bills. While Mark’s adventurous side still shines, my ability to indulge it has waned. Unfortunately, I’m often the one to point this out, and I don’t enjoy playing the role of the family’s “realist.”

It’s tough to be the one who constantly has to pump the brakes on excitement, especially when I see the potential pitfalls of every impulsive idea. Even when I try to loosen up, my cautious instincts often prove right, reinforcing my tendency to be the wet blanket.

I never worry that Mark will leave me for someone younger or more attractive; instead, I fear he might find someone who matches his sense of spontaneity and zest for fun. I’ve shared this anxiety with him, sometimes in tears, wishing I could be more carefree and less burdened by responsibility. He always reassures me, “If you were different, we wouldn’t complement each other the way we do.”

And he’s right. We do balance each other out. If we were both dreamers or both practical, we wouldn’t challenge one another to grow. I help protect our family from the potential fallout of his impulsive ideas, and he inspires me to step outside my comfort zone, which tends to shrink over time.

So, we’ll continue this dynamic: I’ll remain the voice of reason, and Mark will keep dreaming up grand ideas. It might not always be the most thrilling arrangement, but it suits us.

Perhaps I’ll surprise him with a family weekend trip at some point. Of course, I’ll secretly save up spending money in advance, make reservations at the best rates, and plan everything meticulously. But as long as I don’t reveal all the prep work, it’ll still be spontaneous, right?

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In summary, while my role as the cautious planner may sometimes feel burdensome, it ultimately creates a balance in our relationship that allows us to grow together.

Keyphrase: Voice of Reason in Marriage

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