I was having a discussion with a colleague recently. He was a few years younger than me, in his early thirties, and a fresh dad. His little girl was just six months old, but he was already fretting over her pacifier dependency.
“She can’t sleep without it, and I’m hesitant to stock up because I’ve heard it can be tough to wean her off later,” he confessed, concern etched across his face.
We were in his cramped office—an outfit that seemed two sizes too small for his athletic frame, a holdover from his days as a Division 1 football player in Los Angeles. He’s not the type to show fear, but in that moment, he looked overwhelmed.
I raised my hands in reassurance and said, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”
His brow furrowed, and he tilted his head back as if I was suggesting some sort of parenting faux pas. The expression on his face was a universal one among new parents—the same look seen in parents who meticulously read through parenting manuals and scrutinize food labels at the grocery store, all while their child screams for fruit snacks. And there’s always that seasoned parent standing by, bemused, knowing full well that the kid will turn their nose up at the quinoa casserole in favor of mac and cheese.
Ultimately, that’s the essence of parenting. You don’t have to relinquish control completely, but you also don’t need to concern yourself with trivial matters like pacifiers or whether every meal contributes to your child’s potential to become a future brain surgeon.
If you approach parenting with that mindset, you’ll drive yourself crazy. You’ll lose sleep and peace of mind, all in the name of perfectionism. Kids have their own rhythm; they steer their own ships. Your role is to gently guide them along the way.
“Listen, my friend,” I said. “As a father of three with a decade of experience under my belt, I can tell you we stressed over all this too. Our kids were all pacifier enthusiasts, and guess what happened?”
“What?” he asked, intrigued.
“Nothing. They eventually outgrew it. Until they’re ready, it’s just going to be a source of conflict and anxiety. And for what? A piece of plastic? A comfort item? Don’t stress over it. Actually, go ahead and buy more. Stock up. It’ll simplify your life.”
“Want to know the secret to parenting?” I continued. “Are you sitting down? Mac and cheese. Don’t resist it. Just buy that stuff in bulk. Everything will be alright. The same applies to other seemingly insignificant items like pacifiers.”
He didn’t look thrilled with my response. To be honest, I wouldn’t have been either.
When my wife and I first became parents, we often got bogged down by minor details. Over time, we learned that some issues just weren’t worth the stress. For instance, my toddler will inevitably take her shoes off during our trip to the store. I could get worked up about it, try taping her shoes to her feet, but she’d still find a way to remove them. It’s like attempting to argue with the sun about setting. So now, I just place her in the cart sans shoes. It’s all good.
What I’m trying to convey is that parenting is about learning to choose your battles wisely. This means buying a bunch of pacifiers, taking your child to the store without shoes, or sending your son to school with a messy hairstyle because he refuses to comb it. It’s perfectly fine. Everything will unfold as it should.
If you’re a new parent reading this, understand that not every situation warrants stress. From my years of experience, I can say that what truly matters is the time spent with your children. Enjoy movie nights, lie on the floor and let them crawl over you, or when you get home from work, drop everything and snuggle for a while. Those moments are what count.
My colleague paused for a moment as the conversation shifted to a more serious tone. I could sense his anxiety about parenting; it’s completely valid.
“I mean it,” I insisted. “Just give your baby those pacifiers. Buy as many as you can. Ensure there’s one in every room. Don’t resist it. And once she’s settled with a binky in each hand, enjoy those snuggles. That’s what’s really important. When she’s ready to let go, you’ll know, and in a few days, it’ll be a distant memory, replaced by the next parenting challenge. That’s just how it goes. In the meantime, savor those precious moments together.”
For more insights on parenting, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and development at March of Dimes. And if you’re considering starting a family, you might find our article on at-home insemination kits helpful!