Let’s get real for a moment: I’ve grappled with what I call Judgy Mom Syndrome. As someone who typically embraces a “to each their own” attitude, the world of parenting thrust me into an unsettling realm where I felt judged at every turn, leading me to unwittingly partake in the very culture I despised. After twenty months of navigating this chaotic journey, I’ve gleaned some valuable insights, especially around my own transformation into a sanctimommy. Here’s how it all unfolded:
Step 1: Engaging in Practices That Invite Judgment
For me, co-sleeping was the primary trigger. Armed with a packet from my birthing classes outlining the dangers of having a newborn in my bed, I never intended to co-sleep. I had invested in a fancy bassinet, the Halo Bassinest, equipped with features like soothing vibrations and lullabies.
Despite the dire warnings about SIDS, suffocation, and other dangers, my baby would wake multiple times during the night while in the bassinet. Terrified of his safety, I found myself bringing him into bed to nurse him. Initially, I would carefully return him to his bassinet after nursing, but one night, we both fell asleep, and I found it was far easier to nurse him in bed. This approach allowed us to rest better, even if I felt the weight of judgment looming over me.
Step 2: Discovering Like-Minded Communities
In my quest for validation, I turned to social media and found numerous co-sleeping support groups. These spaces were meant to be judgment-free, filled with parents just like me seeking camaraderie and understanding.
Initially, the conversations were innocent enough, but over time, the dialogue shifted. I began to see comments suggesting that parents who didn’t co-sleep were fundamentally disconnected from their children. The atmosphere transformed into a place where co-sleeping was hailed as the only responsible parenting choice, supported by memes and articles that claimed scientific backing. I absorbed this information, convincing myself that my choices were not just acceptable but superior.
Step 3: The Judgment Cycle
Before I knew it, I had morphed into a zealous advocate for co-sleeping, babywearing, and extended breastfeeding. Part of me felt it was my mission to enlighten other parents, fueled by my own insecurities. I found myself engaging in online debates, sharing evidence-based facts, and creating a bubble of like-minded individuals who reinforced each other’s beliefs while looking down on differing practices.
Step 4: Acknowledgment and Awakening
Eventually, the reality of co-sleeping began to wear on me. My son, Ethan, was six months old, and I was suffering from back pain due to awkward sleeping positions. Our nighttime nursing sessions had turned into an all-night buffet, and my marriage was suffering from neglect as I prioritized my son’s needs over our relationship.
The very community that I had surrounded myself with, which had once provided solace, now felt suffocating. I wanted to transition Ethan to his crib but worried about abandoning the principles I had embraced. The judgment from my peers stung fiercely, and I realized that perhaps I had been too vocal about my parenting choices. The truth is, no one truly cares how we choose to raise our kids—whether it’s co-sleeping, formula-feeding, or sleep training.
Step 5: Finding Healing and Acceptance
Fortunately, I discovered a private mom group that fostered a genuinely supportive environment. This space allowed for open discussions without the typical judgment. Opinions had to be backed by personal experiences or credible medical advice, and every member was encouraged to share their journey without fear of criticism.
I made significant changes to my social media presence, unfollowing and leaving groups that perpetuated negativity. I embraced the notion that parenting styles are as diverse as the families behind them. I breastfed Ethan but weaned him at 13 months; we co-slept for a time but also sleep-trained him. We’ve explored daycare options and even embraced the use of a tablet for car rides. Ultimately, what matters most is the love and support I provide for my son.
It’s time we trust one another to parent in ways that suit our unique families and stop the cycle of judgment. Watch out for those backhanded comments—they sting more than you might think.
For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this post on artificial insemination. For further information on pregnancy, visit the CDC website. If you’re looking for an authority on parenting topics, you can refer to this article.
In summary, my transformation from a sanctimommy to a more understanding and accepting parent has been a journey filled with growth, self-realization, and the importance of community support.