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Thanks for Your Concern, But My Body is Just Fine
by Lisa Hartman
May 1, 2023
It’s surprising to acknowledge that one of the significant challenges I’ve faced throughout my adult life originated from a choice I made at the tender age of 13. At that age, I discovered that I could essentially deprive myself of food without raising any eyebrows.
I learned how to navigate my life without significant nourishment, all while keeping my weight-conscious mother blissfully unaware of my transition from childhood. I didn’t want to step into the teenage phase; my sister went through it and faced constant scrutiny regarding her body. I desired to remain unnoticed, avoiding my inevitable curvy Greek-Italian physique. Most importantly, I wanted to steer clear of my weight being a topic of discussion at the dinner table.
My relationship with food and exercise has never been healthy. Instead, I’ve battled eating disorders for most of my life. I know all too well the unhealthy dynamics of food and fitness, especially as I witness similar patterns on social media daily. In our digital world, it’s become normal to publicly share our runs or the latest diet trend. But when did we all agree that this obsession with dieting and fitness was acceptable, while simultaneously shaming those who are simply trying to exist in their bodies?
“Just because the average size is 16 doesn’t mean it should be celebrated. I support body positivity, but glorifying obesity crosses a line.”
When individuals boast about their fitness achievements or cleanse diets, no one seems to bat an eye. Such behavior is generally accepted as healthy and normal. Fasts, detoxes, and strict diet plans are rampant, and people receive applause for their dedication. However, once someone gains a few pounds, the internet transforms into a forum for unsolicited advice and health concerns.
During my thinner days, no one ever questioned my health. Ironically, I desperately needed someone to do just that. In my early twenties, I experienced frequent fainting spells, likely due to my consistent undernourishment and extreme exercise routines. Instead of concern, it became a running joke among friends and family. My ability to mask my struggles with humor allowed those around me to overlook the serious issues my body was facing.
“You’re opting to be unhealthy; perhaps you should shop at specialty stores. Some sizes simply do not sell enough to justify carrying them.”
This week, my thoughts are consumed by a recent essay I penned about the challenges of finding clothes in size 14-16, a size that reflects the average American woman. The comments were a mix of empathy and body shaming. If you live in a larger body, you’re often met with criticism, advice, and condescension.
“Clothing manufacturers aren’t obligated to cater to larger sizes. How about we discuss the two-thirds of Americans who are overweight instead of complaining about a store’s inventory?”
After wading through countless comments about my health and size, it became glaringly clear: it wasn’t my weight that bothered these commenters, but rather my unapologetic attitude about it. How dare I expect clothes that fit my size 16 frame while openly voicing my frustrations? Shouldn’t I be hiding away in shame?
I’ve spent the last four years distancing myself from disordered eating habits, even as I’ve gained 45 pounds. This journey hasn’t been easy, especially after spending years fixated on the scale. Surprisingly, I haven’t been indulging in mindless eating; I’ve been busy, raising two children, changing careers, and dealing with personal stressors—all of which have pushed me into survival mode, a state that doesn’t concern itself with appearance.
“Stop complaining and lose weight. Why not strive to fit into what is considered normal sizes?”
Sure, there are days when I glance in the mirror and feel dissatisfied with my reflection. I’m human, after all. I’ve been conditioned to tie my self-worth to the scale. However, that fleeting moment of self-doubt pales in comparison to the numerous times I found myself curled up on the bathroom floor, wishing I could stop my downward spiral before I completely disappeared.
Following a period of anxiety this year, I underwent a battery of medical tests. Doctors examined my heart, liver, kidneys, blood pressure, and cholesterol levels. They thoroughly checked for blood clots and assessed my thyroid function.
Guess what? I’m in perfect health.
The unsolicited concerns about my wellbeing are intriguing, especially since there were countless moments in my life when I truly needed that support.
Did this recent weight gain come with some unhealthy habits? Certainly. There were numerous days when I survived on coffee and quick carbs while juggling my responsibilities. Have I exercised enough? No. But life with children often thrusts you into survival mode, which prioritizes getting through the day over aesthetics. It’s astonishing that after decades of struggling with anorexia and bulimia, I faced no health critiques. However, once I began to gain weight, concerns about my health flooded in.
While I acknowledge that my lifestyle has changed, I now focus on eating nutritious foods because it makes me feel good, not as a means to alter my appearance. I enjoy taking walks to admire the blooming dogwood trees in my neighborhood and listen to music. After years of criticizing my body, I’ve finally reached a place of acceptance, even at my heaviest. And I refuse to apologize for that.
I refuse to spend another day punishing myself for not conforming to society’s standards of thinness. So to the internet’s self-appointed health experts, rest assured—I’m thriving. All medical evaluations confirm my health. I have supportive colleagues and friends who value me for who I am. I share stories that empower women, and I’ll continue to share mine, including all aspects of my journey, even if it involves my body.
And for the love of everything, I want clothes that fit.
If you’re grappling with an eating disorder, the National Eating Disorder Association offers invaluable resources for support.
In conclusion, it’s essential to embrace body positivity while navigating the complexities of self-acceptance. Remember, it’s not just about how you look but how you feel within your own skin.
Keyphrase: Embracing Body Positivity
Tags: body positivity, self-acceptance, health, eating disorders, fashion, motherhood, fitness