If We Demand It of Men, Why Aren’t We Teaching It to Boys?

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We all envision a future where men can cook and tidy up around the house, yet we often tell our sons, or allow others to suggest, that play kitchens are simply for girls. We admire a man who can dance up a storm, but how many of us take our boys to dance classes? We melt at the sight of a man showing emotion, whether it’s tears on his wedding day or at the arrival of his children, yet we discourage boys from expressing their feelings. We value involved fathers, but we don’t let our sons play with dolls.

Anything remotely categorized as “feminine” is off-limits for little boys, and for what reason? This issue begins with us—the ones molding boys into the men we expect them to become. How can we demand empathy and nurturing from men when we stifle these characteristics in their formative years?

Society fails to support boys in developing their emotional intelligence and caregiving abilities, even though these traits are just as natural for them as they are for girls. Boys are human beings with genuine emotions; they will cry when they’re hurt or heartbroken—until we impose the idea of “toughening them up.” We convince ourselves it’s for their own good, fearing they’ll be bullied if they deviate from conventional masculinity.

But what advantage do we gain by denying them the opportunity to grow into well-rounded adults? Shouldn’t we redefine masculinity instead, challenging societal norms so that boys can embrace their true, sensitive selves?

Too often, we prepare our boys to become providers, a role not unlike preparing girls for homemaking—an outdated concept in today’s world. We champion leadership and business skills, which are fine, but not at the expense of other essential life lessons. We neglect to teach them that they will be husbands and fathers, navigating emotional landscapes just as much as business ones. They get ready for careers, but when it comes to emotional growth, we intentionally hold them back and then wonder why they struggle to connect on a deeper level.

We live in a culture that pressures boys to “man up,” labeling traditionally feminine traits as weaknesses, yet we expect them to treat women as equals. How can we tell our sons that women are just as capable when we mock them for hitting “like a girl” during Little League? These mixed messages do nothing to create balanced men and do a disservice to our daughters, who will face the consequences of our parenting missteps.

This isn’t meant to excuse men for being chauvinistic or abusive; adults can rise above ingrained beliefs. Just like individuals who leave harmful environments, men can choose to evolve; it just requires more effort.

We read to our toddlers, download educational apps, and prepare them for school, but why don’t we offer our sons the same advantages? We should encourage them to develop into the loving partners and fathers we want them to be, rather than stifling their growth and hoping they will magically develop these qualities later.

After all, we’re not just raising future workers; we’re nurturing future humans who will carry the complexities and responsibilities of adulthood.

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Summary

We must reflect on the lessons we teach our boys about masculinity and emotional intelligence. By encouraging nurturing and sensitivity, we can help shape them into well-rounded adults who can thrive in all aspects of life. It’s essential that we allow boys to embrace traits that will benefit them and society as a whole, rather than confining them to outdated gender norms.

Keyphrase: teaching emotional intelligence to boys

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