Updated: June 3, 2020
Originally Published: March 11, 2018
It’s a familiar narrative: a child bullies others, a parent reacts with punishment, the child harbors resentment, and the cycle continues. This pattern often results in more punishment, deeper resentment, and no meaningful change in behavior. Even if the child’s actions improve, the underlying issues remain, creating a divide between parent and child.
The core issue arises when bullying is addressed solely through punitive measures. Bullying often stems from a lack of empathy, compassion, and a need to exert control—behaviors that are frequently modeled by the parents themselves. Ironically, these parents may resort to tactics that resemble bullying when punishing their children for similar actions.
Consider the case of a viral video featuring a father chasing his 10-year-old son in a car. The boy, having been expelled from the school bus for bullying, is forced to run to school in the rain as his father records the incident for social media praise. This scenario illustrates a misuse of parental authority, resembling bullying more than discipline.
Rather than connecting with his son, who is clearly grappling with internal struggles (as bullying often reflects deeper issues), the father’s approach communicates, “You’ll pay for this.” Such actions breed resentment and reinforce a cycle of dominance and a lack of compassion. This child may have picked up these behaviors from his father, suggesting that a deficit of empathy and kindness could be at the root of his actions.
While it’s important to acknowledge the complexities surrounding bullying—including personal, emotional, and psychological factors—I maintain that modeling behavior plays a significant role in a child’s development. The evident absence of empathy in the father’s response likely mirrors a pattern he has established throughout his child’s life.
So, should the father have simply ignored his son’s behavior and driven him to school? Absolutely not. What I propose is that (1) a pattern of authoritarian parenting can easily resemble bullying and perpetuate this harmful cycle, and (2) the solution to curbing bullying lies in kindness.
Imagine if, instead of punishment, the father chose to approach the situation differently. He could have initiated a heartfelt conversation: “Hey, what’s going on? I’m here for you, and I love you.” By recognizing his own past behaviors and apologizing for any disrespect, he could foster a more supportive relationship. He might say, “Let’s work on this together. I promise to treat you with the respect you deserve, and I want you to do the same for others. We can help each other stay accountable.”
Taking it a step further, the father could have shared an ice cream outing to discuss the situation, strengthening their bond and demonstrating that his son is valued. If a walk to school was necessary, he could have accompanied him, reinforcing the idea that mistakes have consequences, but he would be there to support him.
There are countless ways this father could have chosen to guide his son constructively, rather than resorting to shame and punishment. While he might have temporarily halted his son’s bullying on the bus, he failed to address the deeper emotional pain that drives such behavior. Ultimately, he solidified that pain instead.
Remember, hurt people hurt others. It’s kindness—not punishment—that fosters real change.
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Summary
Punishing children for bullying can perpetuate a cycle of resentment and harm. Instead, parents should model kindness and empathy to help children address the underlying issues driving their behavior. Building supportive relationships can foster long-term positive change.
Keyphrase: Public Humiliation in Parenting
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