I often find myself forgetting the little things about my youngest son, like how many teeth he has. Is it eight or ten? With my first child, I would have recorded every milestone meticulously. I would have filled out his baby book and bombarded family with photos of each new tooth making its debut. But now? I just don’t keep track.
You might be wondering, “You don’t care?” The answer is yes, I adore my little guy, but I’m not overly concerned with the specifics like how much hair he has or how many words he’s saying. Honestly, I find I’m less fixated on the minutiae now that I have more than one child. What truly matters to me is that he feels safe, happy, and loved — and yes, I do have a baby book that I plan to fill out…eventually.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not suggesting that I love my children any less or play favorites. The little details just don’t seem as crucial anymore. I’ve learned to appreciate the bigger picture. As a second-time parent, I’ve developed a sense of calm that helps me navigate sleepless nights and unexpected messes with more ease.
For those of you embracing the wild ride of parenthood with multiple children, you likely share this sentiment. The love I have for my kids is unique to each of them. They have distinct personalities and needs. One child thrives on energetic play and laughter, while the other seeks out quiet moments and cuddles. Their individual preferences shine through — one adores everything related to dinosaurs, while the other is obsessed with all things princess.
Many parents fret about how they’ll manage to love and care for their second (or third) child equally. The fear of not being able to replicate the same level of love and attention that was given to the first child can be daunting. I get it; as my firstborn, Lily, challenged me with her endless energy and sleepless nights, she was my entire universe until her brother, Max, arrived.
I once asked a friend, a fellow seasoned parent, how she adjusted her heart to make room for a second child. “When I brought my daughter home, I felt a sudden protective instinct towards her when my son, Leo, made an enthusiastic move toward her. In that moment, I worried he might hurt her,” she recounted. “But that instinct also made me realize I could love both of them fiercely at the same time.”
That protective instinct kicked in for me too when Max was born, and I felt an overwhelming rush of love that surprised me. It’s easy to slip into a mindset where you fret over missed milestones or neglected baby books, especially with multiple kids in the mix. Many parents worry that their second (or third) child will feel overlooked.
It’s tempting to strive for equality in parenting, but trying to give each child the same amount of attention can be exhausting and counterproductive. Instead of focusing on what’s “fair,” we should prioritize what makes each child feel loved and cherished.
There’s a silver lining to this divided attention: the experience we gain as parents builds our confidence. We learn to problem-solve and adapt as new challenges arise. Loving your children well doesn’t always mean loving them equally; it’s about providing individualized love that resonates with each child. So, why stress over the baby book? Embrace the fact that you’re becoming a wiser, more relaxed parent. Your kids need your unique, heartfelt love more than they need equal treatment.
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Summary
Experienced moms recognize that parenting multiple children brings a shift in focus from meticulous record-keeping to appreciating the unique needs of each child. Love isn’t about equality; it’s about understanding and nurturing individual personalities.
Keyphrase: Parenting multiple children
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