After having a baby, the thought of resuming intimacy after that six-week break can be daunting. You might be feeling less than confident about your body, and while your partner has likely seen you in various states of undress, it doesn’t change the fact that everything feels different. Is sex going to be the same? Will it feel the same?
As I prepared for my first intimate experience post-baby, I was riddled with those apprehensions. The quick answer? “Probably not.” Things felt different — and I felt different, too. The one constant? I was still faking orgasms.
Growing up, sex was a taboo subject in my home, discussed only in negative or shameful terms. My only reference point came from the occasional fuzzy images of the Playboy channel on television, leading me to believe sex was mostly loud, quick, and uncomplicated. My first encounter with masturbation was disappointing, leaving me convinced something was wrong with me, and I didn’t try again for years.
When I started exploring physical intimacy with my first boyfriend in high school, I quickly realized it wasn’t working for me either. On our first intimate encounter, I faked my first orgasm, not knowing what to expect and thinking I couldn’t achieve one simply because it seemed to take too long. It wasn’t until I spent a long, determined night alone that I finally discovered what truly worked for me.
Unfortunately, this revelation didn’t change my sex life much because I still felt uncomfortable discussing my needs. The thought of asking for direction or sharing what I wanted sent me into a panic. I didn’t want to seem difficult or make my partners feel inadequate. After all, society teaches women to be nice and accommodating, which can lead to confusion about their own needs.
In my early 20s, I met my husband, Jake. He was attentive in the bedroom, but I didn’t give myself the chance to explore that. The first time I faked it with him, he seemed doubtful, yet I insisted I had climaxed. I would fake an orgasm after a few minutes, sometimes even multiple times in one session. He would comment on how effortless it seemed for me, and I would just nod and smile.
Instead of seizing the chance for a fulfilling sexual experience, I stuck to my old habits. I was too embarrassed to ask for more attention or time, even though I knew Jake would be supportive. Old stereotypes of sex, created by men for men, lingered in my mind, shaping my expectations.
We often discuss issues like the wage gap, but what about sexual satisfaction? Women face pressure to downplay their desires, whether it’s asking for a raise, help at home, or even an orgasm. It’s frustrating that we feel uncomfortable seeking what we deserve.
The issue with starting a relationship with dishonesty is that it can snowball, becoming harder to address as time goes on. I found myself deep into a marriage, a mortgage, and children, and the opportunity to discuss my struggles felt like a distant memory. The dissatisfaction with our sex life grew, and I longed to find a way to address my feelings without revisiting years of dishonesty.
After the birth of our second child, I saw my chance. This time, when I had sex after giving birth, I felt hopeful instead of fearful. It might sound dramatic, but after nearly a decade with Jake, I was ecstatic about the possibility of genuine intimacy. We both knew things would feel different, and I took that as an opportunity to be honest about my needs and experiences — what worked and what didn’t.
For the first time, I experienced authentic intimacy. I didn’t rush through it, nor did I fake any sounds. I communicated openly about what felt good and what didn’t. We worked together to troubleshoot, and while I didn’t reach orgasm on the first try or even the next, we eventually figured it out. After half a lifetime of sexual experiences, I finally started to enjoy them.
Let me tell you: the joy of receiving what you truly want and need during intimacy far surpasses the initial awkwardness of asking for it. It’s a huge relief that makes me want to share this message with other women. Please, don’t follow my old path. Be honest, communicate, and express your desires in the bedroom.
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Summary
The journey from faking orgasms to experiencing genuine sexual satisfaction is one many women can relate to. Emphasizing the importance of communication and honesty in intimate relationships, the author shares her personal evolution from a background of shame regarding sex to a fulfilling partnership. Having learned to express her needs, she encourages others to embrace their desires openly, ultimately leading to a more satisfying sexual experience.
Keyphrase: “faking orgasms”
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]