I don’t drink, and my decision is deeply rooted in my childhood. My father was an alcoholic, often letting his addiction dictate his life. During my high school years, he spent considerable time in jail for DUI offenses. I can vividly recall my graduation day when he showed up intoxicated, struggling to navigate the auditorium steps. I even had to use my hard-earned pizza-delivery money to bail him out of jail. He passed away at 49, and while I thought he was old back then, now in my 30s, I realize how tragically young he was. He never got to meet my children or witness my college graduation or wedding. He should still be here, but sadly, he isn’t.
I won’t claim I’ve never tasted alcohol; I have. However, I stopped drinking once I got married. When I did indulge, it felt uncomfortable, like wearing a tight suit jacket, constantly reminding me of my father’s struggles.
When my wife and I began our parenting journey, we both agreed to abstain from alcohol. We even adopted some principles of Mormonism before tying the knot, which has connected us with other sober parents. Yet, as I delve deeper into fatherhood and writing about parenting, I often find myself in the minority. One of my colleagues enjoys his nightly “papa juice”—a gin that he claims helps ease the burdens of bedtime. I get the allure; there are moments when I could use something to take the edge off.
I frequently come across memes about moms enjoying wine, and I can’t help but think of the iconic scene from Christmas Vacation where Clark asks his father how he survived the chaos of the holidays. His father casually replies, “I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.” Some days, I wish I had that kind of help, especially during the festive season. When socializing with other parents, I often find myself the only one with a soda in hand while they sip their drinks, and I can feel the stares.
My choice to refrain from alcohol has cost me friendships. Some people have tried to pressure me into drinking, as if a single sip would magically improve my life or make our conversations flow more easily. As the sober parent, I find this behavior perplexing and often irritating.
Many are curious about how I manage parenting without alcohol, almost as if they believe my sobriety is a superpower. I explain my reasons—my father’s addiction, my spiritual beliefs—but many still don’t grasp why I choose not to drink. Some ask if it’s health-related, to which I reply, “Not at all.” I lead a fulfilling life without needing alcohol. A few parents understand, but most do not. It seems that for many, there’s no compelling reason to abstain from drinking. Honestly, this mindset can be a bit unsettling. One friend even jokingly asked if I was a monk. I often hear that my life must be dull without drinking, but parenting is anything but boring for me.
I can genuinely say that I haven’t missed a moment of my children’s lives. I engage in every experience with a clear mind. I feel every ounce of stress and every burst of joy without the fog of alcohol. I don’t crave nights out filled with drinks; instead, I appreciate the savings and the peace of mind knowing my children won’t sneak into a liquor cabinet, as I did with my father. I don’t have to worry about alcohol tearing my family apart as it did for my parents.
Perhaps my decision is heavily influenced by my past with my father, and maybe, if I were to indulge, I could let go of some of that baggage. But I refuse.
The unfortunate reality is that being a sober parent can feel isolating. It sometimes seems that other parents are hesitant to trust me or reluctant to invite me over, fearing I’ll be the “boring” one at gatherings.
If you know a parent who doesn’t drink, understand that their choice stems from personal convictions. They’ve made a conscious decision to abstain, and it deserves respect. They are not peculiar, untrustworthy, or overly serious. They simply choose not to drink. So, invite them out, befriend them, and don’t press them to partake in alcohol. Accept their choice and move forward. Their reasons are valid, and that should be enough.
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Summary
Choosing to be a sober parent comes with its challenges, including social pressure and feelings of isolation. My decision is rooted in my past experiences with my father’s alcoholism, and while I have tried drinking in the past, I no longer feel the need to. I embrace my role as a parent with clarity and intent and respect the choices of others regarding alcohol.
Keyphrase: sober parenting
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