Why do the holidays often bring out the worst in people? Let’s not delve into that just yet. And why do some parents insist on treating their children as if they aren’t even human? Hold that thought too.
I love the holiday season—don’t get me wrong. I cherish creating magical moments for my kids, delight in gift-giving, enjoy baking cookies, and savor festive meals. This year, however, we’re taking it easy. My nine-year-old just wrapped up a big play, and my semester ended around the same time. Right now, I’m just breathing, ready to enjoy the holidays without the stress of getting everything perfect. Whatever happens, happens, and that’s okay.
Yet, I can’t shake this feeling of sadness.
It seems that mainstream parents go a bit overboard during the holidays, and I’ve never been shy about my disagreements with conventional parenting, especially at Christmas.
I struggle to articulate just how much I dislike some of the trends that emerge this time of year. For instance, the other day I stumbled upon a concept called “present jail.” A mom shared a photo of a cardboard box filled with gifts, explaining that her daughter would have to “earn” back the presents by behaving well. The idea is that any gift left in the box by Christmas will be withheld, and only good behavior can earn them back.
At first, I thought about writing a piece on it, but how many times can I say, “Let’s be kind to our kids”? I’ve repeated that message countless times. And yet, I feel compelled to say it again, hoping that maybe one person might reconsider their approach.
The notion of making kids “earn” gifts is outdated and cruel. The essence of gift-giving is unconditional love, free of strings and expectations. When you take a gift away as a form of punishment, it transforms from a heartfelt gesture into something harsh and transactional. Congratulations, you’ve turned love into a commodity.
And why should only children have to earn their gifts? If you bought your partner a new gadget, would you withhold it if they had a rough day? That would be absurd! So why is it acceptable to do this to children? It borders on absurdity, and when it comes to our kids, it feels a million times worse.
Children are still learning and navigating their emotions and the complexities of life. They need our support and guidance, especially during a time of year that can be overwhelming. Imagine the mixed messages they receive when told they must behave to receive gifts. Words like “naughty” should never be used to describe a child who is simply trying to cope with their feelings. They require our understanding, not punishment.
I admit I’ve had moments lately where I’ve fallen short. I’m human, just like they are.
Your children deserve your love and compassion, especially during the holidays. Whether through your time, a meaningful experience, or a thoughtful gift, it should feel good to give to those we love. I can’t fathom that it feels rewarding to hold gifts hostage unless you take pleasure in being unkind, which is just wrong.
We are inherently meant to love unconditionally and give without expecting anything in return. We should show our children through our actions that they are valued and cherished. They should know we are their greatest supporters, standing by them when life gets tough.
Withholding presents doesn’t align with true love; it warps the very essence of what it means to care for someone. Kids need our kindness and understanding, especially during the chaotic holiday season. Schedules are disrupted, sleep is often elusive, and excitement runs high. It’s no surprise that kids—just like adults—might act out. Instead of punishing them, we should guide them through these moments.
Let’s not turn the joy of giving into a display of power or intimidation. Don’t teach your kids that gifts must come with conditions or that they can manipulate others.
This holiday season, let’s treat our kids with kindness. Treat them as you would wish to be treated. After all, I doubt anyone would appreciate having their new tech gadget taken away because of a bad day.
Let’s be kind to our kids.