Menu: Lifestyle
No One Hosted My Baby Shower
by Laura Jensen
Updated: March 19, 2021
Originally Published: November 30, 2017
Baby showers seem to be a rite of passage for everyone else.
Engaging in small talk with a distant friend of my aunt was surprisingly easy. I might not enjoy it as much as he does, but I’ve inherited my father’s talent for chatting with anyone, anywhere. My little girl was darting around, and the friend asked about her fluffy diaper. I explained that we prefer cloth diapers. She reminisced about her own experiences with cloth back in the 1970s, lamenting her daughter’s struggle to find the right disposable that fit well, didn’t break the bank, and avoided rashes on her grandkids.
I nodded politely, but then she hit me with, “And it’s just the worst with all those baby showers! You end up with mountains of diapers and you just hope they fit!”
“Yeah, well,” I replied, “we didn’t have that issue.”
When I was pregnant with my first daughter, my (male) best friend and his wife attempted to throw me a shower. A single person showed up. Seriously. I don’t have many close friends, and the few I had at the time didn’t have kids. Each of them canceled for various reasons, completely unaware of the loneliness I felt. My workplace, which is mostly women, forgot to plan anything until my last day, and it just didn’t pan out.
Now, with my second child on the way, my best friend is back in New York, and I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for two years. All those friendships that were once kid-free have faded away.
I never anticipated a baby shower this time around, but society has different expectations. I’m a 31-year-old, seemingly typical mom-to-be who smiles in maternity photos just like everyone else. Baby showers are expected, even for second-time moms. Recently, I was invited to a surprise sprinkle for another friend who’s expecting again. I’ve even seen photos of “light shower” events for previously experienced moms this year. Some are called sprinkles, while others choose specific themes like diaper showers, book showers, or meal showers (where friends whip up freezer meals for the mom-to-be).
It seems that everyone believes all pregnant women must be celebrated. Why not? They are creating life! Yet, in my case, it appears that everyone assumes someone else is handling it. Someone closer to me. Someone who will show up.
What happens when the showers don’t materialize?
A drought occurs… Or you cultivate your own garden.
For a long time, I let that drought thrive. I remained parched, and to be honest, I still find myself in that state at times. But I’ve started to remind myself to nurture my own well-being. After all, this is my baby.
We don’t need material gifts. What I crave is celebration. I want my children recognized for the miracles they are. I have the power to orchestrate that myself. There may not be extravagant balloons, streamers, or cupcakes adorned with baby designs, but I can create joy in my own way.
I am letting go of the notion that a party equates to love. Not everyone receives a shower, and many mothers around the globe aren’t surrounded by a circle of American friends sipping mocktails and indulging in cake pops.
I’m releasing the hurt that comes from seeing invitations and photos of other people’s celebrations. Social media can be misleading. I want to be genuinely happy for others. No one is intentionally causing me pain; they’re simply living their lives.
I am also letting go of the expectation that everyone can provide the closeness and effort I desire. It’s unrealistic to assume that they can meet those needs. It’s not fair to me or to them. I often struggle to manage my own responsibilities, so why should I expect more from others?
I am going to celebrate myself. I created a human being. That’s incredible! I formed every single cell of my baby’s body. I absolutely deserve to honor myself with a celebration. Not only that, but I did it while caring for another little human I brought into this world. I might feel lonely at times, but I’m pretty amazing.
I am going to celebrate myself—not with unnecessary gifts we can’t afford, but with grace, compassion, and love for this body that has crafted a family from the ground up.
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Summary:
This article explores the feelings of disappointment that can arise from not having a baby shower, while emphasizing the importance of self-celebration and nurturing one’s own well-being. The author reflects on societal expectations and personal experiences, ultimately reaffirming the significance of recognizing one’s own achievements in motherhood.
Keyphrase: No One Hosted My Baby Shower
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