What do you say to yourself after you stumble? I used to stay silent, letting shame linger.
When mistakes happen, there’s often an automatic response that kicks in—a critical inner voice that echoes back to our childhood. What does yours sound like? Mine resembles the tone of my father. I was about 10 when I spoke out of turn in math class. The school called home, and my father summoned me to the seldom-used living room.
He gestured for me to sit on the pristine couch inherited from my late grandparents. In a hushed tone, he declared, “You’ve brought shame to our family name.” It felt as if the walls were closing in, and I feared that every Litchfield would hear of my transgression. That was the extent of my punishment; there were no discussions or guidance to help me understand my actions, despite typically being a respectful child.
This incident was a formative moment that taught me to retreat into shame whenever I erred, striving for perfection. I often marveled at how some people could brush off their mistakes while I felt paralyzed by mine. But the truth is, how we learn to cope with errors in childhood shapes our ability to move past them in adulthood.
Four Powerful Phrases to Embrace
Here are four powerful phrases to embrace: “Do better next time.” As Maya Angelou wisely stated, “When you know better, you do better.” She didn’t suggest that we should berate ourselves or wallow in guilt; that approach is counterproductive.
For some, shame can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Perhaps the root of addiction lies in an inability to accept one’s imperfections. Mistakes are not just learning moments; they are part of life. How does a toddler learn to walk? By falling. How does an athlete master their sport? Through trial and error, including some epic fails. They hear encouragement to try again.
To truly engage with life, it’s essential to stop dwelling on past mistakes. Accept your actions for what they are and commit to improvement.
When a child makes a mistake, what should we communicate? Dr. Leah Rodriguez writes in her enlightening book, The Mindful Parent: “When we err, we should first practice self-forgiveness, showing kindness to ourselves and allowing for growth. Mistakes should be viewed as opportunities for learning instead of reasons for punishment.”
If we want our children to learn from their missteps, we must remove any stigma associated with failure, reinforcing that they remain worthy regardless of their mistakes. When children observe adults navigating their own errors, they learn to accept their own imperfections.
In retrospect, having a supportive parent during that incident could have helped me understand my behavior and the lessons behind it.
What inner dialogue accompanies your mistakes? Try adopting those four empowering words: “Do better next time.” Life is full of missteps; it’s time to address them and then let them go. Empower yourself with this positive mantra instead.
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In summary, embracing mistakes as a natural part of life is crucial for growth. By fostering a nurturing environment for ourselves and our children, we can create pathways to learning and resilience.
Keyphrase: Overcoming mistakes
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