Kids can be downright disgusting, and they seem to have an aversion to trash cans—which might explain the sticky, chewed-up candy I discovered on the floor next to the toilet. Which of my four delightful little ones left that gooey mess? Who knows! But it looked as if one of them had decided they didn’t like whatever they had just eaten, resulting in a sugary glob that was once a Starburst or one of those bizarre fruit-flavored Tootsie Rolls.
Now, let’s be real—the area around the toilet isn’t exactly known for its cleanliness, but this was a whole new level of gross. I mean, who leaves a half-eaten candy on the floor, especially one that’s been slobbered on?
After I pried that sticky mass off the tile, I tossed it into the toilet, thinking it would glide away like all the other unpleasant things that go down there. And, yes, I may have used it as a target for my own bathroom business. However, when I flushed, I was shocked to see that candy clinging to the side of the bowl like a fruity pink barnacle. No way was I going to fish it out!
It had to be made of sugar, so I figured it would dissolve eventually, right? A little while later, while I was folding laundry, my husband walked in to use the bathroom. “Uh, honey?” he called out. “Is there candy in the toilet? Do I even want to know why?”
I explained the situation, suggesting he could probably dislodge it with a well-aimed stream of pee. He accepted this challenge with far too much enthusiasm and gave that candy a direct hit. But alas, it didn’t budge—not even after a second flush.
As any mom knows, there are more pressing matters at hand, and I certainly didn’t want to retrieve that candy. A few moments later, I told the kids it was time to use the bathroom before we left the house. My youngest son, Oliver, went in, and I heard him peeing, but there was an unusually long pause before the toilet flushed. When he finally emerged, he was smacking his lips, clearly enjoying something.
My stomach dropped. “Oliver, what’s in your mouth?” I asked, fearing the answer.
“Just some candy,” he replied, his mouth full of that gelatinous pink mass.
“And did you… get it from the toilet?” I gulped, already knowing the answer.
He nodded with a nonchalant grin, as if finding treasure in the toilet was totally normal. And then, believe it or not, he swallowed it!
To summarize, my child ingested a piece of candy that had been chewed, spat out onto the bathroom floor, tossed into the toilet, soaked in toilet water, and, yes, urinated on by three different people. I was horrified, while my husband could barely contain his laughter.
Fortunately, he survived, and now at age 9, I remind him of that day whenever he turns his nose up at dinner—like my chili could possibly be worse than toilet candy! Oh, the joys of parenting!
For more engaging stories and tips, check out our blog on home insemination kits at Make a Mom and learn about the IVF process at Parents.
Keyphrase: candy from the toilet
Tags: [“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]