When a friend is battling a cold, we instinctively know how to show support—a cheerful text, ordering takeout, or giving them a break from their kids. But when it comes to a mom living with a chronic illness, like myself, people often feel lost and uncertain about what to say or do. And honestly, I can’t blame them; it’s tough to understand a life you haven’t experienced. If I hadn’t been living with fibromyalgia since I was a teenager, I wouldn’t know how to respond either.
Living with a chronic illness as a mother can feel isolating, as if you’re on a different planet from your peers. Many well-meaning mothers simply don’t grasp that on difficult days, even lifting a laundry basket can feel impossible. They might not realize that the thought of driving two minutes to the grocery store can be overwhelming due to cognitive challenges. Or that the heat can trigger symptoms that keep them from enjoying a simple outing at the park.
While most people genuinely want to help, their words can sometimes miss the mark. Here are five comments to steer clear of if you want to be a supportive friend to a mom dealing with a chronic condition:
- “I’m so glad you’re better now.”
It’s disheartening to hear this when I’m struggling to get through the day. Chronic illnesses often remain hidden, leading others to assume that if I look fine, I must feel fine. Instead, try asking how your friend is really doing before making any assumptions. - “When are you going back to your job?”
After having to leave my position as a teacher due to my health, this question stings. It’s a sensitive topic that can bring up feelings of loss and frustration. Instead, ask about their well-being; if work comes up, trust that they will share when they’re ready. - “Let me know if you need anything.”
While this seems helpful, it can put the burden on the sick mom to ask for help, which can be hard to do. Instead, offer specific assistance—like, “I can take care of your grocery shopping on Wednesdays; just let me know if you need it.” This shows you’re genuinely willing to lend a hand. - “At least you get to stay home with your kid.”
While I cherish my time with my child, I didn’t choose this path. My health dictated my situation. It’s better to steer clear of this comment altogether—there are plenty of other topics to discuss! - “When are you planning to have another baby?”
This question can be painful and complicated for someone with a chronic illness. It’s best to keep off this topic unless you’re very close and know how to navigate the conversation delicately.
This list isn’t exhaustive, and everyone has different triggers. But I believe it reflects the sentiments of many moms in similar situations. If you find yourself unsure of what to say, focus on actions rather than words. Helping in tangible ways, gradually asking questions as trust builds, and simply being a good friend can make a world of difference.
For more information on navigating these challenges, check out ACOG’s resource on treating infertility or explore intracervical insemination options available. For those considering home insemination, Cryobaby’s syringe kit combo is an authority on the topic.
In summary, communication is key when supporting moms with chronic illnesses. Be mindful of your words, offer specific help, and always prioritize empathy.
Keyphrase: support for moms with chronic illness
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