Published on September 11, 2017
In my view, patience is akin to great wealth: some people are naturally endowed with it, while others cultivate it over time. Personally, I often find myself short on patience and constantly questioning how to acquire more. My patience wears thin quickly, leaving me frustrated and eager to find better ways to cope for the sake of my children, who certainly didn’t ask for a mom who struggles to keep it together.
Frustrations are a part of life, and they don’t stop with parenthood. The world will always throw its challenges our way, be it waiting at a red light when we’re already late or discovering an empty toilet paper roll after using the restroom. When impatience strikes, we have two choices:
We can succumb to anger and stress, transforming into the irritable parent we dislike, which inevitably leads to guilt. This serves no purpose, especially for our kids, who often bear the brunt of our frustration. Or we can strive to respond mindfully—pausing before acting, thinking before speaking, and taking the time to understand why we feel the urge to lose our cool. (And of course, there’s always the option of sneaking away to indulge in some chocolate.)
When my kids have pushed me to my limits, I ask myself if my expectations are unreasonable. They are still learning skills that are second nature to me after years of practice. For instance, tying their shoelaces takes them much longer because, one, they haven’t been doing it forever, and two, they get easily distracted, not yet mastering the art of focus.
I try to approach these situations with the same consideration I would hope to receive. I wouldn’t want to navigate a new job with a demanding boss or sit in a class where the instructor teaches at an unrealistically high level. If my partner followed me around nagging about how to improve my performance, I’d definitely express my frustration.
It’s vital to remember that our children are individuals. Yes, they can be maddeningly slow and stubborn, but they’re also human. Like anyone, they don’t appreciate being constantly pushed, especially when they’re genuinely trying. Just like a stoplight doesn’t turn red out of spite, my kids don’t act out to ruin my day—even if it feels that way at times.
There are days when they’re feeling off, just like we do. Bad days and unfortunate situations can impact their moods, and in such times, our patience can be the greatest gift. Rather than resorting to discipline, they often need a compassionate ear and a hug. Empathy and understanding go much further than irritation and pressure. When I’m having a tough day, I want comfort and understanding—not criticism—and my kids are no different.
I admit my patience isn’t always where I want it to be, and sometimes even my best mindfulness techniques fall short (easier said than done). So, when all else fails, I pretend I’m being filmed for a reality show where I have to display my best parenting skills. After all, nobody loses their cool when they know they’re being watched. Have you ever seen someone like Jenna Brown lose her composure with her three kids? With that many little ones, it’s inevitable she has her moments—but those cameras are a good motivator.
I know I have a long journey ahead before I become as relaxed and understanding as I aspire to be with my children. But I remain committed to trying; in the meantime, I hope they show me some grace as I learn to extend the same to them.
Summary:
In this reflection, Lila Thompson shares her struggles with patience in parenting, acknowledging the challenges of managing frustration while raising children. She emphasizes the importance of empathy, understanding, and mindful responses to foster a positive environment. Recognizing that children are still learning, Lila reaffirms her commitment to personal growth for their sake, illustrating the complex nature of parenting.
Keyphrase: Patience in Parenting
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