One of the most valuable pieces of advice I received as a new mother came from a coworker shortly after I returned from maternity leave with my twins. “You can’t do it all,” she said. “You have to be okay with only giving about 75% to each part of your life—be it family, friends, or work.” This simple truth highlighted why the notion of “having it all” is often unattainable: something will inevitably be neglected. For me, that something was my health.
The definition of “having it all” varies widely, which is one reason it feels so elusive. Personally, I envisioned it as a traditional standard: looking polished, maintaining a spotless home, raising perfectly mannered children, and excelling in my career. After my twins arrived, I attempted to jump back into my idealized life, despite the chaos of new motherhood. Everyone suggested I rest while the babies napped, but napping has always been a challenge for me. Instead, I found myself washing bottles, tackling laundry, and cleaning the kitchen—all while the babies slept. When they woke, I’d take them out for long walks to enjoy the fresh air and help shed some of the baby weight. Sounds productive, right? But it wasn’t sustainable.
Two months in, I hit a wall. While preparing bottles, I was suddenly overtaken by nausea, dizziness, and a wave of panic. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster, and my legs went weak. This marked the beginning of a new reality filled with anxiety and physical symptoms that made me question my overall health.
I’ve battled generalized anxiety disorder and panic attacks throughout my life. After years of therapy and self-improvement, I managed to keep my anxiety under control. However, after having the twins, the familiar symptoms resurfaced—only this time they were amplified. Despite the warning signs, I pushed forward. I woke at 5 a.m., arrived at work by 7:30 a.m., pumped three times during the day, worked through lunch at my desk, and then picked up the kids to switch into full-time mom mode until I collapsed into bed each night.
After nearly fainting in meetings and, more alarmingly, while caring for my little ones, I realized I needed help. Eight months, five doctors, two MRIs, one CT scan, 30 days of wearing a heart monitor, and countless tests later, I was relieved to discover I was physically fine. Now, my focus is on maintaining that well-being.
I’m seeing a therapist, taking lunch breaks, and squeezing in a yoga class every now and then. Writing has become a therapeutic outlet, allowing me to reconnect with myself. I’m praying more than I ever have, and importantly, I’m learning to cut myself some slack. I’ve started to celebrate the small wins at home and work. I pat myself on the back after managing difficult parenting situations, and I’m learning to find humor in days filled with cranky, sleep-deprived babies.
Through this journey, I’ve come to realize that I don’t actually want it all. I don’t need perfectly behaved children; I want them to be respectful, confident, and curious. While a Pinterest-worthy home is appealing, I’d rather invest that time and energy into creating wonderful memories together.
My anxiety is still present but gradually fading. Now, when someone calls me a “super mom” or comments on how composed I seem, I take it as a cue to pause and reflect, ensuring I’m not overextending myself. I hope that one day, the pressure to “have it all” will lessen, and we will check in on those who seem to have it together, making sure they aren’t sacrificing their well-being for an unattainable ideal.
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Summary:
The pursuit of ‘having it all’ is often unrealistic and detrimental to our health. As mothers, we must acknowledge that we can only give a portion of ourselves to different aspects of life without sacrificing our well-being. By focusing on our individual definitions of success, celebrating small victories, and prioritizing self-care, we can find a healthier balance. Ultimately, it’s about creating meaningful experiences rather than striving for perfection.
Keyphrase: The unrealistic quest for perfection
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