If you’ve ever considered a romantic night with your partner but opted for sleep instead due to sheer exhaustion from parenting, you’re not alone. Research published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior reveals that “American adults experienced about nine fewer sexual encounters annually in the early 2010s compared to the late 1990s.”
What’s Behind This Trend?
The study found that the decrease in sexual frequency was consistent across various demographics, including gender, race, and education level, with the most significant declines seen in individuals in their 50s, those with school-aged children, and those who abstained from watching adult content. The primary factors contributing to this decline were identified as being single and, believe it or not, helicopter parenting.
Yes, you read that right: helicopter parenting. Organizing playdates, ensuring our kids arrive and leave safely, spending Saturday mornings coaching soccer, rushing off to gymnastics, and maintaining a constant watchful eye seems to have drained our energy and desire. It’s no wonder many couples are feeling frustrated.
Reflecting on Parenting Styles
Last year, I penned an article discussing how my kids could be missing out on valuable experiences due to the stigma surrounding unsupervised play. Growing up in rural Utah, I roamed freely, often venturing a mile to find friends by the age of 9. My parents encouraged my independence, telling me, “Go out and be back before dark.” Unfortunately, that kind of freedom is not the norm for my kids. My partner, Jenna, and I meticulously plan their social interactions, making phone calls to arrange playdates. In my childhood, playdates didn’t exist; it was simply about finding friends on the street.
Reflecting on this, it seems like while I was off seeking adventure, my parents might have been nurturing their relationship, so they had the energy when the evening rolled around. Sex doesn’t require a massive time commitment—quick encounters exist for a reason—but the true challenge lies in mustering the energy for it.
The Overwhelm of Parenting
Psychologist Lila Thompson explained to CNN that many parents feel overwhelmed by their daily responsibilities, “Having already tackled countless tasks, like waking up early and managing tantrums, the idea of adding sex to the agenda feels like too much. As a result, we often turn to Netflix for instant gratification, which requires no effort.” Sound familiar? I know my partner and I have been there, enjoying Netflix without the “chill.”
Ultimately, this study suggests that parents today are missing out on intimacy—not in the way we’d prefer. This situation highlights a significant imbalance; when our focus is solely on our children, we neglect our partners. It’s clear that our relationships are suffering.
Finding a Solution
So, what can we do to change this? Unfortunately, there’s no simple answer. With the societal pressures surrounding parenting styles, helicopter parenting has shifted from a choice to a perceived necessity. Our commitment to micromanaging our children’s lives seems unlikely to ease anytime soon.
Common advice suggests that to prioritize sex, we must prioritize our relationship. Perhaps we need to loosen our grip on parenting. This could mean hiring a babysitter or scaling back on extracurricular activities, giving us time for our own “activities.” It might even require scheduling time for our relationship, sex included, just as we meticulously plan our kids’ schedules.
While I don’t have all the answers, I understand that prioritizing my marriage doesn’t diminish the importance of my children; rather, it acknowledges the significance of a healthy relationship for their overall well-being. A strong partnership is crucial for a thriving family, and it’s challenging to maintain a happy relationship without dedicating time and effort to it.
I plan to share this study with Jenna. We’ll discuss our shared challenges in balancing parenting and intimacy, aiming to scrutinize our time together and explore ways to ease our parenting duties for the sake of our marriage. Other parents might consider doing the same.
Conclusion
In summary, couples are having less sex largely due to the demands of helicopter parenting and the resulting fatigue. The key is finding a balance between nurturing our children and prioritizing our relationships, which is essential for family well-being.
Keyphrase: decline in sexual frequency among parents
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