When I first met my wife, she asked me a bold question: “Do you snore?” Without a moment’s hesitation, I replied, “Not a chance! I despise sports, adore brunch, and only watch reality TV.” Alright, I might have stretched the truth a bit, but denying my snoring habits was the best fib I could have made. Fast forward to today, and we share a lovely three-month-old son named Eli. Had I admitted my nighttime symphony of snorts, kicks, and occasional laughter, I might be a lone guy, huddled under a grimy stairwell somewhere.
Our marriage thrives on many things, but one key ingredient is our separate bedrooms. Not just separate beds—actual separate rooms. When friends hear this, they often exclaim, “That’s so strange!” Perhaps, but we’re also incredibly well-rested.
People frequently say, “There’s nothing like having a warm body next to you at night.” To which I respond, “Sure, but have you tried a cool mattress?” When we began dating, I found it amusing that this petite woman needed a king-size bed. At just 5-foot-4, she’d stretch out diagonally like a starfish, making it nearly impossible for anyone else to fit comfortably beside her. In fact, it wasn’t unusual for her to wake up entirely horizontal!
A light sleeper with a long history of insomnia paired with a husband who is a sleepwalking disaster is a recipe for disaster. In the early days, our attempts to share a bed ended with us both feeling like exhausted zombies the next day. So, when we moved in together, we decided to keep our own bedrooms, and during our wedding, we even joked about adding to our vows: “I promise to love you for better or for worse, in sickness and health, and in separate bedrooms until death do us part.”
Let’s face it: sharing a bed often means inviting interruptions. Back in the day, it wasn’t uncommon for grandparents to have separate beds, and they understood the value of a good night’s sleep. We took it a step further and claimed entire rooms on different sides of our apartment. We did this because we genuinely love each other.
Now that we have our baby and live in a two-bedroom apartment, I’m about to be moved to the living room to make way for Eli. While he currently sleeps in the living room, soon we’ll swap spaces, and a divider will create a little privacy in my new 8-by-10 room. My queen mattress will shrink to a full, and for the first time, I’ll have no TV or dresser in there.
Before my wife decided on the divider, there were some entertaining ideas for my new sleeping arrangements: outside on our tiny patio, in the bathtub, or even wedged behind the couch. Thankfully, my wife loves me enough to go with the divider.
According to a study by the National Sleep Foundation, nearly 25% of couples opt for separate sleeping arrangements, whether that’s in different beds or rooms. People are beginning to realize that our grandparents had it right—they enjoyed family dinners, watched their favorite shows, and then said goodnight before heading to their own rooms.
If you’re in a relationship and prefer your own sleeping space, broaching the topic of separate rooms may ruffle some feathers. But don’t fret; your partner will likely come around, and they might even see the benefits. Here’s hoping!
One day, Eli will likely ask, “Mom, why do you and Dad sleep in different rooms?” And my wife will reply, “Because your dad snores, sweetheart.” That’s a lesson he’ll carry with him as he grows up.
In summary, embracing separate bedrooms has been key to the happiness in our marriage. It allows us to rest well while still nurturing our love for one another.