As the summer sun finally arrives, I find myself relieved for many reasons: no homework to stress over, no early morning wake-up calls, and certainly no more staring aimlessly into the fridge trying to figure out what to pack for lunch. Above all, I’m ecstatic that my daughter’s soccer season has wrapped up (at least until fall).
When a child is committed to a team sport, it demands considerable time from the entire family. We spend countless hours driving to practices and games, volunteering, and cheering on the sidelines. While I genuinely enjoy watching my daughter play, my priority is her happiness, and I’ll gladly support her endeavors, even if it means navigating the chaos.
However, what weighs heavily on my mind as a parent—and on her as an athlete—is the anxiety she experiences during these games.
In the days leading up to a match, my daughter’s anxiety starts to mount. She dreads the possibility of being assigned as goalie, a role she feels burdened by due to its high stakes. If a goal gets scored on her watch, she feels she’s let her team down. Conversely, if she does well, she feels like she’s merely maintaining the status quo. This is how her 12-year-old mind processes the game, measuring success in terms of points allowed rather than points saved. When she plays forward, she worries about whether her teammates will pass back to her or take the shot when it matters most.
Her anxiety doesn’t just vanish when the game begins; it lingers, sometimes fueling her with adrenaline to dash toward the goal, but often leaving her frowning throughout the match—even in victories. This isn’t about being a poor sport; she’s an excellent team player who consistently seeks to uplift her teammates. Her sportsmanship is commendable, but the real issue lies with her anxiety.
My daughter tends to feel anxious in unfamiliar situations and often needs every detail about upcoming events. For instance, when we travel, she’s the one keeping track of flight numbers and departure times, reminding us when it’s time to leave for the airport down to the minute.
When anxiety strikes, she gets jittery; her limbs wiggle and her foot taps restlessly. What we once perceived as curiosity has revealed itself as a form of anxiety, one we’re learning to navigate. On soccer game days, we start prepping the night before, ensuring she has ample time to get ready. We help her with her shin guards, wrestling with knee-high socks, and lacing up her cleats. We practice deep breathing together and listen to her worries. Every time we ask if she wants to keep playing, she always responds with a resounding “yes.”
After enduring season after season, we’ve tried to support her through the anxiety by emphasizing the importance of facing fears and being part of a team. We’ve cheered from the sidelines, giving her encouraging thumbs-ups even as she frowns at moments on the field that don’t go as planned. We’ve watched her furrowed brows as she readies herself in goal, hands poised for action.
Yet, six seasons in, I’m beginning to question if this is the right fit for her. While there are undoubtedly benefits to being part of a team—like enhanced self-esteem, fitness, collaboration skills, and learning to cope with both victories and defeats—I can’t ignore how overwhelming my daughter’s anxiety can be. Research shows that around 70% of children stop playing sports by age 13 because it ceases to be enjoyable. I wholeheartedly agree: for some kids, the stress of competition overshadows the fun.
Not every child thrives in a team environment, and that’s perfectly okay. It doesn’t mean they lack ambition or teamwork skills; it simply indicates that for some, like my daughter, the pressures of a competitive team heighten their everyday anxiety, making it hard to relish the game.
Now that soccer is off the calendar, my daughter radiates happiness. It’s no surprise that she won’t be joining a team this summer. Instead, she’ll be attending a sleepaway camp where she’ll focus on tennis and swimming—sports that emphasize individual performance without the weight of team responsibility. I’m hopeful she discovers activities that challenge her while bringing joy, without the added pressure.
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Summary
Not every child thrives in team sports, especially those who experience anxiety. While there are many benefits to being part of a team, the stress and pressure can overshadow the joy of play for some kids. Finding individual sports that allow for personal growth and enjoyment may be a better fit for those children.
Keyphrase: Team Sports and Child Anxiety
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