My partner, Jake, and I sat in our living room, both struggling to remember the last time we enjoyed a date night. It was past 10 p.m., and thankfully, all three of our kids were finally asleep. It seems that after 10 p.m. is the only pocket of time we have to converse without interruptions—no snack requests, homework complaints, or squabbles to settle.
I slouched against the sofa, fighting off fatigue after a long day. Jake had his laptop open, engrossed in spreadsheets. Our home was a whirlwind of chaos, and with less than seven hours until we needed to rise again, I desperately wanted to call it a night. Yet, we needed to connect.
Even though we shared a life, responsibilities, and parenting duties, it felt like we hadn’t truly communicated in days. “Was it last month?” Jake pondered aloud.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I think it was when we went to see that new superhero movie.” I hesitated, “No, that doesn’t seem right. That movie’s been out for ages. Has it really been that long?”
We both fell silent, contemplating the state of our relationship. “What happened to us?” I finally asked.
We used to prioritize our monthly date nights, but since Jake began working overtime, it felt like those plans vanished. Both of us work in education, so our evenings are often consumed with getting the kids to bed, grading assignments, or tackling school projects. Weekends, too, are packed with soccer practices and more grading. With our youngest being a lively 3-year-old and the older two not quite old enough for babysitting, we often find ourselves balancing parenting duties—one of us supervising while the other tries to catch up on everything else.
While it’s great that we cover for each other, it leaves little room for just the two of us. Sometimes, it feels as though we’re merely co-workers managing the same household. We see each other during shift changes, discussing tasks rather than nurturing our relationship.
In the whirlwind of parenting young children, it’s easy to let the needs of our relationship slide in favor of work and family obligations. We set goals for regular date nights, hoping for once a month, or even weekly, but reality often leads us to lower our expectations. Instead, we end up scrolling through Netflix, settling on a show we both like, and calling it a “date” by snuggling on the couch.
Then life throws a curveball—one child decides bedtime is negotiable, or a new commitment at work takes over our evenings. What was once a cherished routine slips away, and we find ourselves on the couch trying to remember the last time we truly connected.
Making time for our marriage can feel like precariously balancing a full bucket of water over our heads. It’s stable for a while, but as soon as one thing shifts, we scramble to readjust, and just when we find our footing again, the ground shifts once more. Marriage requires ongoing maintenance, yet few outline what that actually entails.
After nearly 13 years of marriage, I’ve learned that it often means staying up late to watch a show, even when you’re exhausted. It includes hiring a babysitter and going out for a date night, even when funds are tight. It’s about picking up the phone during a busy workday to listen to your partner vent, knowing that you won’t have the chance to talk later. It means prioritizing your marriage, even amidst the chaos of everyday life.
“You know,” Jake said, “someday, everything will slow down. The kids will be grown, and it’ll just be us.”
I nodded. “But after 18 years of putting ‘us’ on the back burner, will there still be an ‘us’?”
Jake didn’t answer, but we both understood the gravity of that question. We’ve been together long enough to recognize the risks of neglecting our relationship. Neither of us wants to reach that point.
I pointed towards Jake’s laptop. “Open Facebook,” I instructed.
“Why?” he asked, confused.
“Let’s find a babysitter for this Saturday,” I replied.
“But it’s family movie night,” he protested.
“That can wait,” I countered. “We need a date night—this is ‘mom and dad movie night!’”
We spent the next several minutes messaging every babysitter we knew. Then, we excitedly discussed our plans for Saturday night, counting down the days until we could reconnect.
In the midst of parenting chaos and busy schedules, let’s not forget to nurture our relationship. For more insights on fertility and family planning, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Amidst the chaos of parenting and work, couples can easily neglect their relationship. It’s crucial to prioritize time for each other, even when life gets busy. Taking small steps to reconnect—like planning date nights or simply having meaningful conversations—can help maintain a strong marriage.
Keyphrase
Prioritize Your Marriage
Tags
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