In my mid-40s, my mom is my best friend—and honestly, it should be that way at this stage of life. Her wisdom, humor, and experiences are invaluable to me. I remember a particularly challenging moment six weeks after my first child was born when I found myself thinking, “Who can I talk to who will truly get what I’m going through?” Without hesitation, I called my mom, pouring out my regrets about not appreciating her wisdom over the years. I could almost hear her smile through the phone, happy to know that I finally recognized the treasure of our relationship.
I hope for a similar bond with my sons, even though they’re all boys and our connection may differ from a classic mother-daughter one. I want them to see me as one of their close friends—but not just yet, because let’s face it, they’re still kids.
I often find it puzzling when mothers claim their children are their best friends. True friendship involves deep connections that I believe can’t fully exist within the parent-child dynamic. Sure, I want to be a mentor, a confidante, and a counselor—but while my kids are still under 19? Best friend? Absolutely not.
I can definitely engage with my teenagers and discuss meaningful topics—life goals, friendships, and even the latest hit by Drake. But can we genuinely connect on a best-friend level? Can we share everything without fear of judgment? There are experiences I’ve had that my 17-year-old son is simply not equipped to handle emotionally, and he shouldn’t have to shoulder those burdens too soon. He needs to navigate certain lessons in his own time and way, without parental interference that a true best friend might offer. My role is to ensure he stays afloat, not to hand over the steering wheel.
To be frank, if I discovered he was texting and driving or engaging in underage drinking, my reaction would differ significantly from how a peer would respond. A friend his age may not fully grasp the serious consequences of those actions, nor is it their responsibility to do so. That’s where I step in, as the adult and the parent, not just another friend.
In my household, we don’t need to make significant decisions together like partners do. One of us needs to fulfill the role of the responsible adult, the steady presence that guides us through challenges—and that has to be the parent. In a best-friend relationship, that balance can become blurred, but as mother and child, I don’t want my teenager stepping into that role of the voice of reason—because if he did, we’d probably be playing video games and skipping school all day!
If you’ve managed to maintain a best-friend relationship with your child while still being the authority figure, I commend you. It’s impressive to strike that balance, and I hope you can keep it throughout those tumultuous young adult years. For now, my relationship with my sons will remain as it is—a close parent-child bond. I’m not seeking to be equal friends with someone who hasn’t even dipped their toes into adulthood yet. However, when the day comes that one of my sons reaches out to me in a way similar to how I called my mom in my early 20s, I will be ready and excited to embrace that new chapter of friendship.
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Summary
As a parent, I cherish my relationship with my sons and aspire to be their confidante and mentor, but I don’t want to be their best friend just yet. While I recognize the value of a close bond, the dynamics of the parent-child relationship require a different kind of connection. My role is to guide and support them as they navigate their own paths, and I look forward to the day when we can transition into a true friendship.
Keyphrase: “parent-child relationship”
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