It was one of those chaotic mornings. After a long weekend trip with my partner and our two kids, I should have seen this coming. If I felt exhausted, they surely did too. My toddler hurled her breakfast plate across the table, while my son ambled around at a tortoise’s pace as I tried to get him ready for preschool. Every little instruction I offered was met with whining or stomping. I felt a wave of relief when I finally dropped my oldest off at school, hoping to get my daughter down for a nap as soon as we got home. I craved a moment of peace, but it was the kind of morning that had me already counting the minutes until bedtime.
These are the moments when you wish the universe could hear your silent pleas, but instead, it seems to tune you out. My daughter didn’t nap. Instead, she whined and cried, and I spent my entire morning throwing objects around the house, trying to guess what she couldn’t articulate. My hopes for a brief break evaporated as the clock ticked excruciatingly slowly toward bedtime.
When I picked my son up from preschool, his teacher informed me that he had a particularly challenging day. There had been lots of tears and shouting, and I could see that he was feeling upset. As we drove home, I brainstormed ways to lift his spirits. Perhaps a movie or a special snack? Ordering pizza for dinner seemed like a good idea since I was not up for cooking.
However, once we stepped inside our home, I began to experience a taste of the chaos his teacher had dealt with that morning. Every suggestion I made was met with complaints and resistance. Before long, the stomping and screaming erupted. I gave up on trying to cheer him up. He understood that I was making an effort and would usually enjoy the things I proposed, but today he was determined to turn the afternoon into a replica of the morning’s disaster. He devolved into a full-blown tantrum, complete with screeching and tears.
He knew I was tired. I had tried to be patient and kind. I told him I needed his cooperation. Why was he doing this to me today? Seasoned parents often remind us that while childhood years are fleeting, the days can stretch on endlessly.
I snapped. I yelled. I raised my voice in frustration. The regret washed over me immediately, but the realization that he wasn’t feeling guilty about his behavior kept me from calming down instantly. What had I done to deserve this attitude? I was only trying to offer him things I thought would make him happy. Why was he treating me this way?
Then it hit me. I was exhausted. I was irritable. I was struggling to readjust after a few days away from our routine. My body and mind were pleading for some rest. Of course, I was in a foul mood. And he was feeling all of those same things.
Tantrums can feel like a personal attack. As parents, we often bear the brunt of our children’s emotional outbursts, leading us to internalize their frustrations and feel as though we are failing. These moments can feel overwhelming, and it’s easy to react in anger, snapping at those around us for minor things. Once I’ve calmed down, I realize that the person I lashed out at wasn’t the true cause of my frustration.
Tantrums are a reflection of emotions that are too big for a young child to manage, much like adults can lose control at times. Recognizing my children’s actions as expressions of their struggle to cope with overwhelming feelings helps me respond more compassionately. Instead of sending my son to time-out in anger, I can guide him to take a moment to cool down — all while approaching the situation with kindness.
Not taking tantrums personally is a continual practice, but it’s one that prevents me from absorbing my son’s emotions and having a meltdown myself. By managing my responses, I can help him learn how to navigate his emotions more effectively. And no matter how long the day feels, bedtime will eventually arrive.
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Summary:
Tantrums can feel deeply personal, especially for exhausted parents trying to navigate their children’s emotional outbursts. Understanding that these episodes stem from a child’s inability to manage overwhelming feelings can help us respond with compassion rather than frustration. As we learn to separate our emotions from our children’s reactions, we can guide them effectively through their tantrums, ultimately fostering a more peaceful home environment.
Keyphrase: tantrums and parenting
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