“I apologize,” I said to my teenage caretaker, Adam, as I realized the time. It was 2:45 PM, and I had promised to pick him up at 3:00. He waved off my concern. “No worries,” he replied.
I explained, “I have ADHD. I can either arrive late and scramble, or I can overcompensate and get there early. I prefer the latter, which is why I was planning to show up 25 minutes ahead of schedule but ended up driving around to kill time.” We shared a laugh, though my two younger children in the back seat rolled their eyes, fully aware of my reality. Often, we arrive at our homeschooling co-op a half-hour early, only for me to realize the timing, prompting a lengthy detour. We entertain ourselves with music, but it’s merely a distraction from the inevitable time loss.
Living as a mother with ADHD often means managing a plethora of unfinished tasks and misplaced belongings. Even with medication, I find the everyday responsibilities of motherhood challenging—tasks that many seem to navigate with ease.
For instance, my laundry situation is a classic representation of this struggle. While my hampers remain empty, my kitchen is cluttered with baskets of clean clothes. The requirement to sort and transport these items to their designated rooms feels monumental. Folding and putting them away is out of the question; I’ve settled for personal baskets. Completing this task should take no more than 10 minutes, yet I face an accumulation of 12 loads awaiting my attention. What starts as a simple chore transforms into a daunting event, often postponed until I’m too exhausted to tackle it.
Interestingly, my husband also grapples with ADHD, which leads to similar patterns with household chores, especially the dishes. We kindly request guests to steer clear of our kitchen chaos. Our eldest son, too, shares this condition, resulting in a family-wide struggle to keep track of belongings. His backpack often gets left behind at various locations, from co-op to brunch gatherings. We frequently find ourselves making trips to retrieve or return misplaced items, like that well-worn Star Wars backpack. I, however, have developed a reliance on my phone—a common ADHD trait—allowing me to keep track of it while other items slip through the cracks.
Rituals play a crucial role in our daily lives. I must take my medication first thing in the morning to avoid forgetting. Following that, I need a solid hour of coffee before we can start our educational routine, which must adhere to a specific order: reading, math, social studies, writing, and science—often punctuated by catechism. Lunch is scheduled strictly at noon, and our visits to Target follow a predetermined route to ensure nothing on our list is overlooked. Deviations in store layouts can lead to forgotten items.
Hyperfocus, another ADHD trait, can be a double-edged sword. It enables me to write while my children engage in their own antics, such as jumping on our new couches, only to snap back to reality when a loud cry interrupts. My son can become so engrossed in his shows that he requires physical prompting to pay attention. Just earlier today, while we were concentrating on reading, we missed the chaos unfolding in the bathroom as the younger siblings discovered the joys of a diaper sprayer, claiming an ant issue as their excuse. They know when we’re in a focused state, allowing them to get away with mischief.
Being a mother with ADHD often means fluctuating between being early and late, consistently forgetting essentials like wipes or snacks, and navigating a car that resembles a mobile refuse bin. My husband has had to cover for me at appointments due to forgotten necessities. Each day presents opportunities for misplaced library books or art projects, and I often fail to notice glitter glue spills until it’s too late.
Ultimately, being an ADHD mom encapsulates the universal struggles of motherhood, albeit magnified. The chaos may be more pronounced, leading to an appearance of disorganization, but beneath it all, we find joy and connection within our family. We embrace our unique rhythm, thriving amid the disorder.
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In summary, the journey of motherhood intertwined with ADHD brings both challenges and unique experiences, fostering resilience and adaptability in everyday life.
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