In the realm of parenting, a remarkable 24-year age gap exists between my eldest daughter and my twin girls. Yes, you read that correctly: twenty-four years, not a mere few months. I became a mother at 18, and after my first daughter left for her own adventures, I decided to embark on the journey of motherhood once more at 42. Interestingly, my oldest daughter is now a mother herself, making me a grandmother—a narrative for another time. My experience spans the 1990s with one daughter and the 2010s with two.
When people discover that I’ve navigated parenting across two generations, they often pose the inevitable question: “What’s the most notable difference you’ve experienced?” The answer is straightforward: the internet, which has significantly undermined my maternal instincts.
During my first parenting experience, I never consulted a parenting book or article. Instead, I relied almost entirely on my instincts, however flawed they may have been. My mother served as my sole source of advice, often delivered with a Capri cigarette in hand. While her guidance was sometimes questionable, it was all I had, and it worked—my first daughter turned out to be a wonderful individual who contributes positively to society.
The landscape changed dramatically for my second experience. I quickly realized, “Wow, I have access to a wealth of information online!” Before my twins even arrived, I found myself spending hours researching topics like “Why are my babies hiccupping so much in the womb?” My instincts might have suggested simple explanations like “You probably ate something spicy,” but Dr. Google led me down a rabbit hole of worry, convincing me that my babies were in danger.
Despite my doctor’s advice to avoid the internet, I continued to delve deeper. After the twins were born, my obsession only grew. I downloaded numerous apps to monitor everything from feeding schedules to developmental milestones. By the time they were two months old, I felt utterly paralyzed, unable to trust my instincts or make decisions without first seeking validation online.
To be fair, the internet has its merits. I connected with fellow twin mothers, snagged a fantastic running stroller on Craigslist, and maintained communication with my mother, who lives far away. However, the overwhelming judgment, contradictory information, and anxiety-inducing scenarios led me to a breaking point. I realized I needed to step back and breathe. In doing so, I discovered a more balanced approach to parenting. Here are some strategies to help preserve your maternal instincts:
1. Ignore the Judgment
I had never encountered the terms “mommy wars” or “mom shaming” until I found myself spiraling through online resources. While judgment has always existed—often embodied by relatives like Great Aunt Marge—it’s far more pervasive online. Remember, everyone is just trying to navigate this journey together.
2. Acknowledge Conflicting Information
The internet is rife with contradictory advice, from whether to wear your baby constantly to whether co-sleeping is beneficial. I’ve tried various methods, and the effectiveness varies based on personal beliefs and circumstances. Find what works for your family and disregard the rest.
3. Avoid Catastrophic Scenarios
Researching parenting issues can spiral into anxiety. It’s easy to convince yourself that minor issues are signs of serious health concerns. Instead, limit your research and consult a professional for any real worries.
4. Steer Clear of Comments Sections
Comments sections can be a minefield of judgment and misinformation. Spending time there can leave you feeling disoriented and anxious, much like a hangover. It’s best to avoid them altogether.
5. Trust Your Instincts
This is perhaps the most challenging piece of advice. It’s easy to second-guess your choices, but your intuition is powerful. When in doubt, consult your trusted support network, but remember to value your instincts.
Today, I still look up parenting advice online—my recent searches include “mess-free craft ideas for toddlers.” However, I approach everything I read with skepticism. More often than not, I rely on my gut feeling. Occasionally, I call my mother for her timeless advice. Even though she may be outdated on current trends, her reassuring words remind me that “they’re just going through a phase.” It’s not a perfect solution, but it provides comfort. I know my daughters will thrive, thanks in part to my evolving instincts and her loving guidance.
In summary, while the internet can be a valuable tool, it can also cloud your judgment and instincts. Balancing online resources with your intuition can lead to a healthier parenting experience.
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