In today’s society, there’s often an overwhelming pressure to conform to a specific ideal of health and weight, especially on social media. It’s intriguing to reflect on how a choice I made as a teenager—starving myself to avoid scrutiny—has shaped my adult life. At just 13, I learned that I could go without food, enabling me to evade the weight-centric conversations that plagued my childhood home. My sister faced relentless criticism about her weight, and I was determined to escape that fate.
Throughout my life, I’ve grappled with disordered eating—not knowing what it feels like to have a balanced relationship with food and exercise. Instead, I’ve witnessed the unhealthy obsession many have with diets and fitness online. It seems that in this digital age, sharing one’s miles run or the latest juice cleanse is celebrated, while being overweight invites unsolicited health concerns and judgment. The internet rarely shows the same enthusiasm for those who bravely share their struggles with weight.
When I was at my thinnest, no one questioned my health—despite the fact that I often fainted due to being severely undernourished. This became a running joke among friends and family, masking the seriousness of my condition. It was easier to laugh than to confront the reality that my body was suffering.
Recently, I penned an essay discussing the challenges of finding clothing for a size 14-16 body, which sparked a mix of understanding and body shaming in the comments. Many seemed irritated not by my weight per se, but by my unapologetic stance about it. How could I, a size 16, dare to express dissatisfaction about my clothing options? Shouldn’t I be hiding in shame instead?
In the four years since I stepped away from harmful eating behaviors, I’ve gained about 45 pounds. This weight gain came amid life changes—having my second child, moving, and shifting to a desk job—none of which allowed me to revert to my old coping mechanisms of calorie restriction and obsessive tracking. But I refused to let the numbers on the scale dictate my worth.
While there are days when I look in the mirror and feel discontent, that fleeting self-doubt pales in comparison to the times I prayed for my physical survival during my darkest days. After experiencing anxiety this year, I underwent a battery of health tests. The results? I’m in perfect health. So, the internet’s concern about my well-being feels misplaced—especially given that I needed such concern when I was genuinely struggling.
Did my weight gain accompany some unhealthy habits? Certainly. I often subsisted on coffee and whatever carbs were convenient while managing the chaos of life. And while I haven’t exercised as much as I should, the reality is that survival mode doesn’t care about appearances. It’s perplexing that throughout years of self-starvation, I was never deemed unhealthy, yet gaining weight brought forth an avalanche of unsolicited health advice.
Now, I walk for enjoyment, appreciating nature rather than as a means of weight loss. I strive to eat nourishing foods because they make me feel good, not as punishment for my size. After decades of self-criticism, I’ve reached a point of acceptance—embracing my body, even though it’s the heaviest it’s ever been.
I refuse to spend another day punishing myself for not being thin enough. So, internet bystanders, rest assured—I’m doing just fine. I’m healthy, respected by my colleagues, and supported by friends. Plus, I’m eager for clothes that fit comfortably, as I navigate my journey.
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In summary, embracing my body at any size while prioritizing health has transformed my outlook. I stand proudly in my truth, ready to tell my story without apologies.
Keyphrase: body acceptance and health
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