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Parenting Insights
By Alex
Updated: March 31, 2023
Originally Published: March 31, 2023
As I stood in the kitchen with my three eldest children, I couldn’t help but smile as I watched them eagerly lick icing from their tongues. This was their reward for cooperating during a family photo session, a moment that could have easily spiraled into chaos.
Yes, I admit, I bribe them occasionally. And I’ve moved past any guilt associated with that. With a tablespoon in hand, the icing dripped playfully as they giggled, declaring, “You’re the best mom ever.” But then my oldest, Jake, exclaimed, “I can’t believe you’re letting us eat icing straight from the can!”
In that moment, joy turned to a sinking feeling in my stomach. Jake’s innocent admiration felt like a reflection of my parenting, but it also made me realize something deeper. Just the night before, I had told him “no” to a request he was passionate about, leading to a flood of tears and frustration. He couldn’t comprehend why I denied him something he wanted so badly.
Was love truly that simple for them? I began to ponder whether they understood the deeper meanings behind my decisions. The laughter surrounding me confirmed that, yes, they saw love through the lens of moments like this, but also in the times I had to set boundaries.
A Letter to My Children
The next day, I decided to write a letter to my children — a reminder for both them and myself:
Dear Child,
I want to clarify what it means for me to be a good mom versus being a fun mom. You will hear “no” more frequently than “yes,” and when you do, I need you to understand that it’s another way of expressing my love for you.
I know it often feels like I’m denying your desires. However, in reality, I’m protecting you from risks that could harm your well-being. My primary concern is your happiness and safety.
While you may not always grasp my reasoning, it’s crucial to know that setting limits is a significant part of love. Sometimes, love necessitates saying no.
I will say “yes” whenever I can because your joy is important to me. But remember, my love isn’t solely about making you happy — it goes much deeper.
Regarding that icing, a responsible mom would have said no to protect your teeth and avoid a sugar rush that could disrupt your sleep. What you tasted was a moment of fun, not the essence of my love.
Never forget that my love is more profound and nurturing than any sweet treat.
With love,
Your Mom Who Sometimes Says No
In summary, parenting involves a delicate balance between allowing joy and enforcing limits. While children may not always understand the reasons behind boundaries, it’s essential for their growth and safety.
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Keyphrase: Parenting and boundaries
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