Abstract: This article explores the implications of the phrase “Boys will be boys” in the context of parenting, particularly with regard to shaping the identities of young boys. It examines the impact of societal expectations on children and emphasizes the importance of fostering an environment free from restrictive gender norms.
In recent weeks, I found myself walking my son, Jake, to preschool after a significant snowstorm. Enormous snowdrifts still adorned the landscape, and Jake was gleefully launching himself into every snowy patch we passed. As we neared the school entrance, another parent glanced at him, covered in snow, and remarked, “Boys will be boys, right?”
I chuckled nervously, brushing the snow off Jake and guiding him into the building. While the parent likely meant no harm—perhaps viewing Jake’s exuberance as endearing—I couldn’t help but feel a sense of discomfort. My aversion to the phrase “Boys will be boys” is profound, especially when applied to my own children.
I recognize that this parent was simply commenting on what he perceived as typical boyish behavior, suggesting that Jake’s spirited play was entirely normal. While I agree that such play is indeed appropriate and healthy, I assert that it should not be tied to his gender.
The underlying gender biases that the phrase embodies are troubling. It perpetuates stereotypes that dictate specific behaviors as inherently male, often used to excuse negative actions in boys and men. I worry about Jake internalizing these messages. Throughout his early years, I made a conscious effort to shield him from societal stereotypes, hoping he could discover his interests and passions without being confined to traditional gender roles.
For instance, when he expressed interest in a princess tiara at a store, I bought it and encouraged him to enjoy it. Likewise, I allowed him to collect pink toothbrushes and borrow a Barbie doll from a cousin. Despite his affinity for toys commonly associated with boys—like trucks and superheroes—I worked diligently to ensure his preferences were shaped by his own desires rather than societal expectations.
I knew that eventually, he would encounter the pervasive cultural beliefs that define gender. A few months into preschool, while reading a princess-themed book, Jake remarked, “Mommy, did you know princesses are for girls?” I explained that this notion is a social construct and that anyone—regardless of gender—can appreciate princesses. He seemed to accept this perspective.
However, not long after, as we colored together, Jake suggested I dispose of the pink markers. When I inquired why, he responded, “Pink is only for girls.” I took a moment to clarify that pink is just a color, meant for everyone to enjoy. Although he appeared to absorb my explanation, I sensed a flicker of doubt in his understanding.
This recent encounter with the other parent troubled me, as I know that children are highly impressionable and absorb everything they hear. While complete avoidance of gender stereotypes may be impossible, we must strive to choose our language with care. We should consider the world we want to create for our children and the messages they will internalize.
As a mother of two boys, I feel it is my responsibility to teach them that they can embody a range of traits—being adventurous while also embracing vulnerability, being assertive but also compassionate. I want them to understand that their gender does not excuse harmful behavior toward others. Raising respectful individuals who honor all people, regardless of gender, is paramount.
It is crucial for those around me to recognize the power of their words. Phrases like “Boys will be boys” or “Man up” can perpetuate harmful stereotypes that affect everyone—boys, girls, men, and women alike. We must work collectively to convey to our sons that they are not defined solely by their gender, but by their character and choices.
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In summary, the challenge of raising children in a world rife with gender stereotypes requires deliberate effort from parents and the community. By fostering open-mindedness and flexibility in gender expression, we can help shape a more inclusive generation.
Keyphrase: Rethinking Gender Stereotypes
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