As I watched my youngest child drive off to college, his car filled to the brim with belongings, I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. In that moment, I felt empty and disoriented. “I guess you’re no longer a mother,” remarked a tall figure beside me, who usually offered comfort.
In a moment of frustration, I grabbed a nearby butter knife, pointing it at him with a growl, “Take that back!” Reflecting on it now, I realize that was one of the lowest points in my 25 years of parenting.
However, as days turned into weeks and weeks into months, I began to regain my composure. My husband and I adjusted to our quieter home, and I pondered the implications of that statement. I had to confront numerous questions about my evolving role as a mother of three. Certainly, I remained their mother, but what did that mean now? How involved should I still be in their lives? Was it appropriate to share my opinions? Was I still expected to fill their Easter baskets and Christmas stockings?
In my search for clarity, I encountered another critical question: When does a child become an adult? This answer varies greatly, much like the journey of parenting itself. At 16, a child can travel unaccompanied; at 17, they can view R-rated films. By 18, they can vote and enter contracts, and at 21, they can legally consume alcohol. While the legal age of adulthood in many U.S. states is 18, this doesn’t necessarily encapsulate the entirety of the transition into adulthood. I believe that adulthood truly begins when an individual can fully care for themselves, particularly in a financial sense. Of course, this age will differ for everyone, but a general rule suggests that once a person achieves self-sufficiency, their childhood phase concludes.
Now that my child has reached adulthood, what is my role in their life? After navigating this query incorrectly several times recently, I’ve arrived at a more suitable conclusion: let adult children determine what involvement they want from their parents. While this may seem one-sided, parents must take a significant step back, particularly concerning decision-making. Will our children err in their choices? Absolutely—they will, just as we did. Will they face financial setbacks? Yes, and so did we. The reality is that these experiences are part of life, and through them, we gain wisdom.
What happens when my adult child’s choices conflict with my values? This is undoubtedly challenging. Each of us has instilled our beliefs in our children, but what if they choose paths that starkly oppose those teachings? If, for instance, we raised a child to embrace liberal views, only to find them aligning with a conservative ideology, it’s essential to recognize that it’s their life to lead. While we may not always agree with their decisions (and it’s likely our parents didn’t agree with all of ours), unconditional love remains our responsibility.
If they seek guidance, I say offer it—but only when invited to do so. If your daughter wants to converse multiple times daily, consider yourself fortunate. However, if she prefers occasional chats, cherish those moments. The more we express our support and love, the more likely they are to open lines of communication with us.
As you embark on this new chapter of parenting adults, it’s time to set down the butter knife, remove the metaphorical Band-Aid, and approach this phase with calmness and curiosity. Remember, mistakes and missteps are vital components of growth, leading our children to become well-rounded adults. Witnessing them forge their own paths and create fulfilling lives is a remarkable journey.
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In conclusion, the journey of parenting adult children is filled with challenges, growth, and ultimately, joy as we watch them build their own lives.
Keyphrase: parenting adult children
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