As a mother and certified life coach, I prioritize fostering self-discovery in children while teaching them to appreciate and honor the differences in others. My husband often hears me express one of my primary parenting goals: I want my children to grow up understanding who they are, rather than feeling confined to a mold I’ve created for them, leading to confusion and uncertainty about their place in the world.
Recently, I came across several articles arguing against the necessity of prompting children to say phrases like “please,” “thank you,” or “I’m sorry.” Critics suggest that enforcing such expressions limits children’s authentic feelings and promotes obedience over self-acceptance. While the intention behind this perspective is commendable, I respectfully disagree. Here are four reasons why I believe teaching our children to articulate gratitude and remorse remains crucial:
1. Mitigating Entitlement
Children who are not encouraged to express gratitude or to use polite requests may develop a sense of entitlement. When kids learn to acknowledge others’ feelings through courtesy, it fosters consideration for those around them. For instance, while a child may desire a treat, they must understand that it isn’t theirs to take without asking. Encouraging polite requests can help diminish feelings of entitlement. Those moments when a parent reminds a child to “use their manners” can instill a sense of consideration that counters entitlement. It’s about much more than mere compliance.
2. Fostering Mutual Respect
Respect is not an innate quality; it must be cultivated. Humans can lean towards selfishness, and without guidance to step back and treat others with dignity, we may inadvertently foster demanding behaviors. When I began teaching my daughter to say “thank you” at just two years old, she quickly learned to apply this phrase to anyone who helped her. This connection, made through repeated encouragement, helped her recognize that everyone deserves acknowledgment. Although it may have developed later in life, starting early made it possible for her to learn respect through simple expressions.
3. Cultivating Empathy
When my child unintentionally hurts another, it’s essential for them to apologize—not only as an act of respect but as a means of fostering empathy. Apologizing, even when they don’t feel it, encourages reflection on the situation. A simple “sorry” pushes them to consider the impact of their actions and the feelings of others. Without this modeling, the vital trait of empathy can easily be overlooked in their development.
4. Considering the Alternative
I admit that not enforcing “please,” “thank you,” or “I’m sorry” would simplify parenting immensely. The prospect of raising happy, gracious, and empathetic children without these phrases is appealing. However, what if we’re mistaken? What if we inadvertently nurture a generation that only cares for their own needs, lacking true gratitude or the ability to forgive?
If the goal behind these phrases is to cultivate obedience, it may be time to reassess motivations. However, if the intention is to instill the values outlined above, then the approach is justified. I may make mistakes as a parent, but promoting polite expressions is one aspect I strive to get right. The benefits of instilling manners far outweigh any temptation to abandon them.
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In summary, teaching children to use polite expressions like “please,” “thank you,” and “I’m sorry” is essential for mitigating entitlement, fostering respect, cultivating empathy, and considering the long-term implications of our parenting choices. Creating a foundation of manners can lead to a more considerate and compassionate generation.
Keyphrase: The importance of manners in children
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