On New Year’s Eve, a tragic incident unfolded in Colorado when a young boy, just 6 years old, went missing. His body was discovered in a nearby pond shortly thereafter, marking a devastating moment for the community. News outlets often label such events as “every parent’s worst nightmare,” which resonates deeply with all of us. Reports indicate that he had a dispute with his siblings and had previously wandered off, but the specifics remain unclear. The immediate reaction to his disappearance ignited a frenzy of judgment: How could the parents allow this to happen?
I’ve come across information suggesting the boy’s mother was at work while a grandparent was watching over him. The accuracy of these details is irrelevant. When Jessica Lane was abducted in our vicinity four years ago, she was simply walking to school alone while her mother, who worked night shifts, was asleep. Can you fathom the horror of not being there to shield your child from danger? No, you can’t.
I found myself scrolling through the comments on a local news site, reading remarks like, “If my child had a tendency to wander off, I would put a GPS tracker on him,” and “Where were the parents?” It’s a familiar narrative we see time and again, whether it’s about the gorilla incident, the alligator at a theme park, or any other tragedy. We concoct a list of “Things That Could Never Happen to Us,” as if we are immune to such misfortunes.
When we criticize and blame parents in the wake of tragic events, we are subconsciously asserting that such horrors could never touch our lives. However, deep down, we know that they can. We’ve all turned away for a brief moment, distracted by our phones, or left our children to play unsupervised for just a second. None of us are perfect. Even if we strive for perfection, we cannot control every aspect of life, including the unpredictability of health and safety. This is perhaps the hardest reality of parenthood that we all share.
Years ago, I remember a scene from a movie where two individuals sat on a boardwalk, observing a child bundled in protective gear while rollerblading. One remarked, “That kid is going to get bitten by a tick and die.” It’s an unsettling thought, yet it captures the essence of our fears as parents: despite our best efforts, we cannot anticipate every danger. The unexpected is often what we should be most wary of.
When a friend experienced a second-trimester miscarriage, another expectant mother expressed relief, saying, “I thought I was in the clear.” The reality, however, is that we are never truly out of danger. From the moment we conceive, adopt, or even plan for children, we face the potential for loss. This should be our guiding principle in parenting: Parenthood — we are never completely safe.
We can, and should, educate ourselves on preventing abuse, teach our children safety protocols, and promote healthy lifestyles. We may implement strategies to protect our kids, but ultimately, we cannot guarantee their well-being. That knowledge weighs heavily on us.
One thing that has never contributed to the safety of our children is the judgment and shaming of other parents. I often feel a mix of emotions when I encounter these tragic stories. A few weeks ago, I was reduced to tears after unintentionally watching a heartbreaking video of a father in a conflict zone mourning his lost children. I didn’t seek to witness that pain; it was thrust upon me. As parents, we navigate a delicate balance between wanting to be informed and protecting ourselves from the harsh realities of life.
For those of us fortunate enough to have living children, it is a privilege to engage with these tragic narratives selectively. Many parents face the harsh truth that they cannot look away; the fragility of their children’s lives is a constant reminder of our vulnerabilities.
What we can do is transform our grief and fear into compassion. Compassion for the families grappling with unimaginable loss, because we can envision their suffering. Instead of judging, blaming, or shaming, we should lead with empathy and understanding.
In conclusion, tragedy can strike anyone, and it is our humanity that binds us. Let us choose compassion over judgment in the wake of these heart-wrenching events.
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