Positive parenting is a well-known approach: your 6-year-old is in a full-blown tantrum, declaring you a terrible mom, claiming you ruin his fun, and adamantly refusing to clean up his toys because his siblings made the mess. The recommended response in these situations is to kneel down, make a concerned face, and say something like, “Wow, you seem really upset. Can you share what’s bothering you?” or maybe, “It sounds like you have some big feelings. How can I help?” Or even, “Oh, you must need a hug right now!” All while your child is shouting in your face.
The crux of the matter with positive parenting, however, is that you might be feeling an overwhelming urge to scream.
Positive parenting encourages you to maintain a calm demeanor, even when you feel like unleashing your inner Medusa. After all, this little one just called you a bad mom! You’ve invested your entire day doing laundry, scrubbing floors, reading stories, and even carefully extracting boogers to prevent a meltdown, all fueled by cold coffee and leftover breakfast. If you’re not doing a great job as a mom, then what on earth are you doing? The button has been pressed, and your brain is ready to recite a long list of everything you accomplished today.
Yet, as a positive parent, you resist the urge to make your child feel guilty for your efforts. You don’t want them to feel indebted to you. You want to be selfless, the epitome of parental virtue.
Then, they claim you ruin their fun. Fun? You spent hours organizing arts and crafts (with all the associated messes) and even broke out the glitter—an everlasting reminder of their creativity that will linger long after they’ve left for college. You did this because you love them. And after all the chaos, you read them three books and played a game of checkers, letting them win.
But instead of ranting about all you’ve done, you practice deep breathing techniques. You suggest, “Honey, why don’t we take deep breaths together?” When they adamantly refuse, you take deep breaths on your own, all the while resisting the urge to strangle their tiny neck.
Meanwhile, they continue to stomp their feet, loudly declaring they won’t clean up their toys. You brought those toys into your home, and you have every right to take them away. You spend half your waking hours picking them up, sorting them, and retrieving them from under furniture. All you want is for them to pick up a few Hot Wheels. If you weren’t so exhausted from bending down to retrieve every last item, you’d probably just do it yourself.
But you can’t take their toys. They are your child’s treasures, and you can’t just give them away. Instead, you put on a concerned expression and say, “I see you don’t want to clean up. I don’t enjoy it either. How about a race to see who can pick up the most toys the fastest? Ready, set, go!” Or you might suggest singing a cleanup song together. Either way, it’s you on your knees picking up toys.
Positive parenting has its merits. It acknowledges children as individuals with valid feelings and respects their right to express those emotions. Yet, for every moment of positive parenting, there’s an inner monologue that leans toward frustration rather than affection. Unless you’re a Zen master, it’s tough to endure a tantrum without dreaming of escaping to Las Vegas. A hallmark of a loving parent? You don’t act on those thoughts—but it doesn’t mean they don’t cross your mind.
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In summary, while positive parenting emphasizes emotional validation and respect for children’s feelings, it often clashes with the overwhelming frustration that can accompany raising kids. The challenge lies in balancing these emotions without acting on them, showcasing the complexities of modern parenting.
Keyphrase: Positive Parenting Challenges
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