During a recent outing to the grocery store, my 5-year-old son, Max, spotted a bag of chocolate toffee and eagerly asked if we could purchase it. “Do I have to share?” he inquired, visibly anxious.
My heart sank. Max has always struggled with the concept of sharing. As a toddler, he was the one at the playground who clutched his toys tightly, pulling them closer whenever another child approached. When friends visit, he often stashes away his favorite toys rather than risk having to take turns. Even at breakfast, he worries about having to share the pink hula hoop during recess.
It’s not that he doesn’t understand the idea of sharing. His experiences in preschool, playdates, and now kindergarten have reinforced the message that “sharing is caring.” Yet, relinquishing any possession—be it a beloved toy or a bite of ice cream—remains a challenge for him. I often find myself coaxing or bribing him to share, especially in front of other adults, which leaves me feeling judged and frustrated.
This sense of failure makes me want to assert my authority as a parent and enforce sharing, often threatening consequences if he refuses. When he does share, it feels like a victory for my parenting skills. However, compelling him to share is more about my public image than his emotional needs. Research suggests that our belongings are extensions of our identity, which may explain why children resist giving up items they feel define them. Adults wouldn’t tolerate someone demanding their personal belongings, yet we expect our children to comply without question.
This led me to question whether something was amiss with Max. Why does he resist sharing? Does he lack empathy? While he’s gentle with animals and quick to help friends in distress, sharing remains a hurdle. Being the youngest of three, much of what he has are hand-me-downs, which may contribute to his reluctance to part with his few belongings. Perhaps it’s about control; I know I feel uneasy when someone makes an unexpected request. Maybe he has inherited this trait from me.
Regardless of the reasons, Max’s difficulty with sharing is evident. While it may never come easily to him, I don’t view sharing as the ultimate goal. Instead, I prioritize teaching him kindness, empathy, and the impact his actions have on others. I want him to share out of a genuine desire to be generous, rather than simply complying with my directives or succumbing to peer pressure.
As I looked into Max’s worried eyes, imagining his internal struggle over whether to share the toffee with his older siblings, I decided not to force the issue. “No, you don’t have to share,” I reassured him. “But your sisters would be really happy if you did.”
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In summary, navigating the complexities of sharing with children requires patience and understanding. Rather than imposing strict rules, a more hands-off approach may encourage children to develop genuine kindness and empathy, leading to healthier relationships with their peers.
Keyphrase: Teaching Children About Sharing
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