This past week, while browsing through my social media feed, I was struck by a haunting image: a woman’s face shrouded in gauze, her features marred by bruises and swelling. She is a member of a private online writing group to which I belong and had chosen to share her story within this safe environment.
Her former partner, from whom she had separated due to his abusive behavior, had forcibly entered her home days earlier and attacked her. Tragically, she is one of millions of women who have endured violence at the hands of someone who professed to love and care for them. Like countless others, she was engulfed in fear and confusion. While her experience is harrowing, it is all too common—far too common, in fact.
Fortunately, I have never experienced violence from a loved one, nor have I ever felt fear in a romantic relationship. I cannot fully comprehend the turmoil, fear, and unjust guilt that victims of abuse endure. I can’t claim to understand from personal experience, nor would I want to.
However, I can extend my support.
The image of that woman propelled me to devote time to researching the narratives of domestic abuse survivors. I read countless accounts of women who concealed their injuries, rationalized their partner’s harmful behavior, and genuinely questioned whether they were in danger of losing their lives during the next outburst. I encountered stories where abusers shifted the blame onto their partners, insisting they provoked the violence, only to follow up with apologies and promises that it would never happen again.
My focus has been primarily to understand the experiences of those who suffer, rather than the abusers themselves. I recognize that many women find themselves in abusive relationships without realizing it. Abuse often escalates slowly, and the situation is not as straightforward as “If a partner ever strikes me, I will leave.” I understand that intelligent, capable women can remain in toxic and perilous situations for years without knowing how to escape. Violence can manifest not only through physical means but also through emotional torment.
The statistics surrounding domestic violence are stark. In the United States, one in four women will face severe violence from an intimate partner at some point in their lives—1 in 4. This means that many of us know individuals who are or have been in abusive relationships, often without any awareness of it. I wish I could eradicate those statistics with a snap of my fingers, but I cannot.
What I can do is provide support to those who feel ensnared in harmful relationships. I can be a safe harbor for anyone feeling lost amidst the chaos of anger, guilt, and fear. I will listen when you express feelings of danger or insecurity. I will reassure you—no matter how many times it takes—that you are not to blame, that the accusations hurled at you are unfounded, and that nothing you did justifies the violence you’ve endured. I will help you access the necessary resources.
I pledge to be a refuge, both physically and emotionally. I will not question why you stayed or delayed seeking assistance. Emotional manipulation is a common tactic in both verbal and physical abuse, and such inquiries would only deepen your sense of self-blame.
I won’t pry into the reasons behind your partner’s anger, as I know you have pondered that countless times without arriving at a sensible conclusion. I won’t challenge you on how you can love someone who inflicts harm because love can be perplexing and does not always align with logic.
What I will emphasize is this: someone who truly loves you should never cause you pain. You deserve to have your body and spirit respected. I will stand by you, bridging the gap between you and the authorities, supporting you through that daunting process. I will provide whatever strength and encouragement you require.
I will believe in you, and I will believe you.
If you find yourself in a relationship that doesn’t provide you with a sense of safety, I urge you to confide in someone—be it a friend, a stranger, or even me. Do not let fear deter you from reaching out to those who can help. Do not feel ashamed about being part of that 25%. You are not alone.
These words are not mere platitudes. They are a genuine affirmation of your reality. You are not alone.
My friend courageously shared her experience here, under the condition of anonymity, to encourage others who might relate to her story to seek help.
If you are facing harm, please speak out. If your first attempt to seek help is unsuccessful, persist until you find someone who can assist you in reclaiming your safety. If you require a confidential refuge, I recommend visiting www.domesticshelters.org. You are not obligated to remain with an abusive partner, nor do you owe them anything. You don’t have to endure this suffering—there is no judgment here, only support and understanding.
Please, speak up. You are not alone. You can find the strength to break free.
Summary:
This article discusses the importance of speaking out against domestic abuse. It shares a poignant story of a woman who suffered violence at the hands of her former partner and emphasizes that many women experience similar situations without realizing it. The piece encourages those in abusive relationships to reach out for help and reassures them that they are not alone. It aims to provide support and understanding to victims of abuse, highlighting the need for safe spaces and resources for recovery.
Keyphrase:
domestic abuse support
Tags:
[“home insemination kit”, “home insemination syringe”, “self insemination”]