By: Emma Thompson
As I reflect on my journey as a parent of a child on the autism spectrum, I find myself continually reminded of a beloved animated character who, despite facing numerous hurdles, simply perseveres. Instead of identifying with a classic fairy tale princess, I relate more to a cheerful blue fish with a forgetful nature. Parenting my son, Liam, often feels like paddling upstream against a relentless current.
Accessing the necessary support for children like Liam can be challenging. Each day presents new hurdles, and the pressure can be overwhelming, leading me to moments of despair. At times, the weight of it all feels suffocating, leaving me questioning where to find the strength to advocate for my child.
Interestingly, it’s often the most trivial of tasks that can make me feel like I’m sinking—like the dishes piling up in the sink. Just the other evening, I entered the kitchen only to be greeted by a daunting stack of dirty plates. Overwhelmed by the sight, I vented my frustration and retreated to bed, feeling defeated.
However, when I reentered the kitchen the next morning, the mess didn’t seem as ominous as I had imagined. My pessimistic mindset had exaggerated the situation. I realized that I should have simply said, “So what!” Embracing this mindset can be liberating. More often than not, there’s a silver lining in every circumstance—even in a pile of unwashed dishes.
So what if I leave a few pots in the sink at night? In the grand scheme, it’s insignificant. Perhaps my husband will finally relent and purchase that dishwasher I’ve been eyeing. A clever strategy, if I do say so myself!
So what if I miss out on the millions of viewers tuning in to popular television on Sunday nights? I can catch up later in the week without the commercials—that’s a win for me!
So what if my morning shower takes place at 10:30 p.m.? My priority is getting Liam to school smoothly, not perfecting my hair.
So what if my husband and I need to reserve a weekday for date night because finding a babysitter is nearly impossible? We often enjoy great midweek deals at our local restaurant.
So what if we alternate attending family gatherings due to overwhelming chaos? This arrangement allows us to spend quality time with our daughters while the other parent enjoys some well-deserved control of the remote for the evening.
So what if we vacation at the same spot year after year to maintain consistency? It eliminates surprises, ensuring that we know exactly what to expect.
So what if I choose comfort over fashion with my footwear? I need to be ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice—blisters are not an option!
So what if I must return home by 10:30 p.m. on outings? Honestly, I appreciate the earlier nights; I’d prefer to be cozy in bed with a warm drink.
So what if I had to leave my job? New opportunities arise from closed doors, and I wouldn’t be sharing my experiences today if I were still clocking in at my old job.
So what if the most substantial conversations with Liam happen through text? I cherish those messages and can always use them to tease him when he’s older.
So what if I spend part of my day advocating for Liam’s needs through endless forms and phone calls? It’s empowering and only makes me more determined.
So what if he prefers specific socks due to sensory sensitivities? When we find a brand he likes, we stock up, saving time searching for missing pairs.
So what if we’ve watched “Harry Potter” countless times? At least I’m well-prepared for any Dementor encounters with “Expecto Patronum!”
So what if Liam attends a specialized education school? It’s where he thrives, feels accepted, and truly belongs. That’s all any parent wants for their child.
So what if our social calendar is restricted? True friends will always stand by me, and I value quality over quantity in friendships.
So what if we don’t fit the traditional family mold? I’ve learned to dismiss the perfectly curated images on social media; everyone faces their own struggles, regardless of appearances.
Ultimately, so what if my son is autistic? He remains the same incredible kid I adore. While the diagnosis was initially surprising, it has not changed my love for him. I refuse to let the opinions of others dictate how he views himself.
So, when you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, try embracing the “so what” mantra. Allow yourself to float along with the current for a bit. Imagine relaxing on an inflatable raft, cocktail in hand, and humming along with that little blue fish, “just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.”
As caregivers, we don’t always have to fight against the current; it can be exhausting. So, from one blue fish to another, when life feels heavy, remember, “Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!”
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In summary, embracing the “so what” philosophy helps alleviate the pressure of parenting challenges, particularly when raising a child on the autism spectrum. It encourages acceptance of our unique situations and fosters resilience through the daily ups and downs.
Keyphrase: Parenting an Autistic Child
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