Recently, my 9-year-old son, Jake, hosted friends for a playdate after school. The scene was typical: three boys entrenched in video games, tossing a ball, and snacking with reckless abandon. After they departed, I stepped into the den and was greeted by an overwhelming odor reminiscent of dirty socks and Cheez Doodles. The couch cushions were strewn about, pillows lay haphazardly on the floor, an overturned cup of water created a mini disaster on the coffee table, and snack bags were scattered everywhere.
“Jake,” I called out, “you can’t leave the den like this!”
His response was a tired, “Uh, I’m tiiiiired.”
“Really? Tired from playing video games for two hours?”
“Yeah?” he replied, flashing a grin that typically melts my heart.
While I understood his exhaustion—school days can drag on—and I recognized the importance of playdates for his social development, I also realized I was making endless excuses for him. At 9, it’s crucial for Jake to start taking responsibility for the messes he creates.
He does have a list of chores, and he manages them—mostly. However, I often find myself repeating requests for him to do simple tasks like putting clothes in the laundry or clearing the table. Sometimes I end up cleaning after him, which I know isn’t the best approach.
I pondered whether my perspective would differ if I had daughters instead of sons. Deep down, I don’t believe in gendered expectations regarding household responsibilities, yet I questioned whether I unconsciously afforded my boys leniency because they are boys. Would a daughter be more inclined to pitch in, having absorbed the message early on that helping out is expected?
Regardless of the reason, I’ve decided to stop making excuses for my sons. It’s tempting to pick up their mess for the sake of convenience, especially during hectic mornings. But I realized that being consistent now is crucial for their future. I want to raise them to be good men—partners who contribute equally at home without needing to be prompted. I’m fortunate to have a husband who embodies this trait, and I’m determined to ensure my boys grow into capable adults.
Most importantly, if I continue in my role as their maid, they’ll view motherhood—and women in general—through a distorted lens. I want them to see me as a strong individual who asks for what she deserves and doesn’t yield under pressure.
In the end, it didn’t take much effort for Jake to tidy up the den. Instead of presenting empty threats, I told him directly that this wasn’t merely about cleaning up; it was about his growth into a responsible adult who shares household duties. After a bit of playful banter, he complied without resistance. When I discovered a hidden bag of chips behind the TV, I made sure he picked it up rather than taking the easy route myself.
I followed up with some affectionate praise, reinforcing his good behavior. I am committed to ensuring my boys embrace their responsibilities at home. It’s not enough for them to understand in theory that they should help; they must practice it consistently and view themselves as equal contributors to our household.
This effort benefits not only us but also their future partners and, of course, our occasionally messy home.
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Summary
The author reflects on the importance of teaching her sons responsibility at home, realizing that allowing them to avoid chores sends the wrong message about gender roles. By actively involving her sons in household duties, she aims to raise them as capable, responsible adults who will contribute equally to their future households.
Keyphrase: Teaching Responsibility in Children
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