When my partner and I tied the knot, we were still navigating the challenges of graduate school. Our financial situation could best be described as “instant ramen poor.” For our wedding, we enlisted the help of a random biker adorned with a bandana to officiate the ceremony, surrounded by close friends. One friend held up her phone so my mother could listen in from Florida, as we couldn’t afford to fly her in. The biker charged us $80, and the sting of writing that check still lingers in my memory.
During our student days, we endured frigid Cincinnati winters in a small studio apartment without heat. Despite both of us juggling part-time jobs and school, we couldn’t cover the gas bill. We walked through the snow—uphill both ways, of course—to get to class and relied on public transportation for longer trips. Our refrigerator often sat empty.
Funding our own educations was a challenge, with little to no assistance from our families. Fast forward to today, and I have two children, aged 10 and 6. My partner and I set up college savings accounts for each of them during my pregnancies and contribute monthly. While the account balances rise and fall with market fluctuations, my calculations suggest we might cover a year or two of education at a state school. Unfortunately, it won’t be nearly enough for a full four-year degree, especially if they aspire to attend a private university.
One might assume that given my own struggles, I would be inclined to bridge the financial gap for my children. However, I have no intention of doing so. Just as I had to navigate my own educational journey, I want my children to take charge of theirs. Many believe that it’s a parent’s duty to ensure their kids attend the best—even the most expensive—schools regardless of cost, but I hold a different viewpoint.
On one hand, my partner and I could afford to cover our kids’ college expenses; we could dip into our retirement funds and make sacrifices. But why should we? We want to enjoy the golden years of our lives, those fleeting moments after the kids leave home and before the inevitable onset of aging. Sacrificing our financial security for an education that our children may or may not utilize doesn’t make sense to me. I would prefer to maintain our savings for a comfortable retirement rather than risk becoming financially reliant on our children as they face their own expenses, like funding their own children’s education.
More significantly, I want my children to develop independence. I hope they will learn to pursue scholarships, research funding opportunities, and take out loans if necessary. They should work hard and consider starting at a community college before transferring to a four-year institution if that’s what it takes.
I financed my own education through scholarships and a few loans while majoring in music performance. In retrospect, I should have pursued a double major since music is such a niche field. However, the funding was available, and I seized it. Now, with a master’s degree under my belt, I thrive as a writer and social media manager—professions that no degree could have truly prepared me for. The most valuable lessons I learned during my educational journey came from facing real-life challenges outside of the classroom.
I’ve never regretted living on a tight budget during college; in fact, I take pride in having managed on my own, even if it required some hardship. It reassures me to know how to live frugally when necessary. I want my children to acquire that same sense of self-sufficiency, even if it means they face some struggles along the way.
If enduring a little hardship equips my kids with resilience, resourcefulness, and independence—skills that will serve them well alongside their academic subjects—then I’ll consider it money well (not) spent.
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Summary:
In this article, a parent reflects on their own experiences of financial struggle during college and their decision to not fully fund their children’s education. The author emphasizes the importance of independence, resilience, and personal responsibility in navigating education funding. While they maintain college savings accounts, they believe in encouraging their children to seek scholarships, work, and manage their own finances.
Keyphrase: College funding independence
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