Let’s just get it out there: my 3-and-a-half-year-old son has only recently begun to sleep through the night. Yes, you read that correctly—3 and a half years, not mere months.
While some may find this astonishing, I know there are many parents out there who can relate, possibly feeling a sense of relief in knowing they are not alone.
During my first pregnancy, if anyone had told me that my child wouldn’t consistently sleep through the night for several years, I would have dismissed it as unfathomable. Like many new parents, I accepted the notion that sleep deprivation was part of the package deal. After all, that’s the common narrative we hear.
I envisioned the sleepless nights as a temporary phase, expecting to return to my pre-pregnancy sleep patterns within months. How wrong I was.
When my little bundle of joy finally arrived, I was, of course, faced with sleepless nights. Although I anticipated it, nothing could truly prepare me for the exhaustion that followed. I felt like a character from a zombie movie—utterly drained, yet still responsible for feeding a newborn.
As the three-month mark approached, I sought reassurance from my mother about when I could expect my baby to start sleeping better. “Oh, I remember you sleeping through the night around three months,” she recalled.
However, once that milestone passed, it became clear that while my baby was beginning to sleep longer stretches at night, he was still waking up every few hours for feedings. Then came the infamous four-month sleep regression, which turned our nights into a chaotic cycle of hourly awakenings and frantic attempts to soothe him.
Somehow, I managed to survive the first year. There were nights when my son would sleep for three to four hours at a time, which I could handle, but there were also nights filled with hourly wake-ups that made me question my sanity.
Sleep training was never an option I embraced. Gentle attempts at encouraging independent sleep only seemed to exacerbate the situation. My children didn’t respond to the idea of “fussing for a bit” before drifting off; their method was more akin to an all-night scream fest, which was not something I could endure.
When my first child turned one, I hoped that this would be the turning point for better sleep. Indeed, there were longer stretches of sleep, but the elusive “through the night” remained out of reach.
I revisited the conversation with my mother. “Are you certain I was sleeping through the night at three months?” I asked. She replied, “No, that’s when your colic was over. You didn’t sleep through the night until you were two or three—maybe even later. I can’t remember.”
I understand that parents with sleepless children often suppress these memories, and perhaps my mother wanted to shield me from the truth during my struggles as a new mom. However, hearing the reality was ultimately a relief. If only I had known sooner, it might have alleviated some of the stress and heartache.
While some parents are fortunate enough to have “rainbow unicorn sleepers,” who peacefully drift off to sleep, many of us face the challenges of mediocre to exceptionally poor sleepers. The reality about baby sleep needs to be more widely understood: Most infants don’t sleep through the night (meaning 10 to 12 hours without waking) for many months, and some may not do so for years. There’s no “normal” since sleep patterns vary greatly from child to child, much like milestones such as walking or talking.
So, don’t be hard on yourself. There’s no need for guilt. You’re not failing in any way. Some children simply take longer to adapt to sleep. Above all, rest assured that every child eventually learns to sleep through the night.
When my second child arrived, I was armed with the knowledge of the realities of infant sleep. This understanding made everything—including the sleep deprivation—easier to handle. I knew it was perfectly acceptable to embrace my zombie-like state occasionally and that convenience foods like mac and cheese could be dinner staples for a time. Most importantly, I recognized that this phase would pass.
Now, my 3-and-a-half-year-old, who has just begun to sleep through the night, still occasionally wakes up to ask for water or to inquire about trivial matters. But the majority of the time, he sleeps well, and it is a remarkable relief.
Despite this improvement, I still find myself lying awake at night worrying about my children. In a few years, when they become teenagers, I will be the one staying up late, waiting for them to return home. Then, as they grow older, I’ll worry about their future jobs and happiness.
In essence, the truth about parenting and sleep is that once you become a parent, restful nights may be a rare occurrence. Yet, you adapt, and the joy of raising lovable children makes it (almost) worthwhile.
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In summary, the journey through infant sleep is often more complicated and lengthy than many expect. Understanding this can ease the burdens of new parents, providing comfort in knowing they are not alone in their struggles.
Keyphrase: The myth of the three-month milestone in infant sleep
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