It began as a particularly challenging afternoon. My son arrived home from school, and immediately, I sensed that something was amiss. Typically, I was the one who could restore balance in our home. I aimed to embody a sense of calm and positivity, channeling my inner Zen—though perhaps that was a bit of an exaggeration. As a mother of a child with autism, I was continuously learning how to maintain that Zen mindset.
My son often faced hurdles with aggressive behaviors, and the therapists we had consulted emphasized the importance of staying composed and not reacting impulsively. I can’t recall how our disagreement unfolded that day. He was resistant to my suggestions, and I knew he was likely hungry. In a bid to help, I offered him his afternoon snack, but he stubbornly refused, becoming increasingly frustrated over the usual rule of having fruit before his cookies. This was a familiar routine, and I could sense he was searching for an outlet for his pent-up emotions.
Then, without warning, he erupted. He charged at me, arms swinging, and slapped me. I watched helplessly as he began tearing pages from a book I had been engrossed in. My heart raced as he reached for the other books around us, particularly the library books, which pushed me over the edge.
In a moment of panic, I remember fleeing from him, clutching the books tightly as I sought refuge. He chased after me, hands raised, attempting to strike me. He missed twice, but on the third attempt, he landed a hard hit on my back. At that moment, a surge of rage coursed through me. How dare he attack me? I was the parent!
In a heated voice, I warned him to back off or I would throw the book. He retreated to the couch, laughing. Then, almost instinctively, I lifted one of the softcover books I was holding and hurled it at him. It struck his arm, and the shock on his face reflected my own. I could see fear in his eyes.
“Mommy, you threw the book at me!” he exclaimed.
I was trembling, stunned not only by my actions but also by my overwhelming desire to repeat them. Shame washed over me for losing my composure and feeling anger toward him for provoking me. Tears began to flow again, and I told him, “I’m very sorry, but I’m also very upset. I need to calm down in my quiet corner.”
We had previously established calm corners for him during his meltdowns, and I realized I needed one for myself. I retreated to the only room in our home with a lock—the family bathroom. I locked the door and allowed my emotions to spill out for the next 15 minutes. In that moment of solitude, I processed everything. After that day, I vowed never to lose control in that way again.
Motherhood reveals both our strengths and weaknesses, offering opportunities for personal growth if we allow it. Many mothers I know, particularly those with special needs children, have shared similar stories of losing their cool. One friend recounted how she once responded to her son stepping on her foot by stomping back, only to feel guilty afterwards. Another admitted to shouting until her child cried, only to feel remorseful moments later. These experiences are not uncommon; we are all human.
As we navigate the challenges of motherhood, it’s crucial to learn from these moments and develop anger management strategies. By doing so, we can become examples of calmness in chaos for our children—regardless of their needs. Personally, I emerged from that distressing incident with a renewed commitment to handle difficult situations with honesty and empathy.
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In summary, motherhood is a journey filled with ups and downs, and even the most composed parents can have moments of frustration. Acknowledging these experiences can help us grow, and by employing effective strategies, we can foster resilience in ourselves and our children.
Keyphrase: motherhood and autism behavior management
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