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by Jenna Thompson
Updated: Aug. 5, 2016
Originally Published: April 5, 2016
“It takes a village to raise a child,” is a well-known saying. Traditionally, a village includes your mother, aunts, friends, and local caregivers—all familiar with the challenges of new motherhood, from sleepless nights to the physical struggles of breastfeeding. These women share personal insights infused with warmth and understanding.
In today’s digital age, our connections have evolved, often leaving behind the supportive villages of yesteryears. Why seek advice from those nearby when you have the vast resources of the internet? Concerned about your milk production? Unsure about a rash? Google is just a click away! However, the information you find can often lead to more confusion and fear than clarity.
Perhaps it is more beneficial to have a network of mainly female companions to lean on. Since many of us no longer live in close-knit communities, where can modern mothers turn? Enter the trusted Facebook mommy group! In the absence of local maternal support, many first-time mothers flock to these online communities. With just a post, a wealth of advice and support is available at your fingertips—no need to call Aunt Betty.
Initially, this can be a wonderful experience. You share your concerns and receive comforting responses like, “That’s completely normal, Mom! You’re doing great!” This validation can be incredibly reassuring.
“Oh, that’s just eczema. Lots of babies have it. Try some coconut oil after bath time.”
“If you’re getting six wet diapers daily, she’s getting enough milk. Keep going, Mama!”
“Looks like cradle cap. If you’re nursing, a bit of breast milk on the scalp should help.”
However, you might soon notice an unusual trend: breast milk and coconut oil seem to be the solutions for everything. Eye infection? Breast milk. Mysterious rash? Coconut oil. Baby’s first cold? You guessed it—breast milk.
Before long, you’ll find your rhythm as a new mom, often turning to your Facebook group for advice, encouragement, and a sense of community. You might even share your own tips, which can be fulfilling.
Yet, as your engagement continues, you might encounter a darker side of these groups. With hundreds of members, there are bound to be a few personalities that clash with your own.
The Sanctimommy
This individual insists that her methods are the only correct ones. She believes every child is a mirror of her own, and if you don’t follow her advice, you’re in the wrong. Often, she’ll argue her points well past the point of exhaustion for others.
Dr. Mama
This mom is convinced she knows more than all healthcare professionals combined. Often an ardent anti-vaxxer, she claims that her cousin’s kid had the same issue and that any prescribed medication is merely poison. What your child really needs, she asserts, is a breast milk enema and a regimen of coconut oil. She may even be selling dubious herbal remedies through multi-level marketing.
Trigger Alert Mom (TAM)
TAM takes offense to nearly everything, ensuring you’re aware of it. She insists on “TRIGGER ALERT: blah blah blah,” before you can even ask your question, often rallying others to her cause. If you dare post about your baby’s aversion to carrots, be prepared for the backlash—after all, there are mothers here whose children have faced dire consequences from allergies.
I Thought We Were All Women Mom
This mother is appalled to discover a man in the group. It doesn’t matter if he’s a single dad seeking support; her shock stems from personal insecurities, especially if she previously shared intimate issues.
Fortunately, there’s an effective way to manage these interactions: use Facebook’s “Block” feature generously. It’s a more effective remedy for the challenges of mommy groups than coconut oil and breast milk combined.
Most importantly, if discussions in the group begin to frustrate you rather than provide comfort, don’t hesitate to leave. You’ve absorbed all you can from that community.
While I don’t discourage joining Facebook parenting groups, they can be valuable for support and information. If you prefer to bypass them, here’s the wisdom you need: apply breast milk or coconut oil, and when in doubt, consult your pediatrician’s advice nurse. For more information on fertility and home insemination, you can visit Make a Mom’s blog or check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and related topics.
Summary
Navigating the landscape of online motherhood communities can be a mixed bag of supportive advice and challenging personalities. While these groups offer a wealth of information and camaraderie, they also present unique hurdles. Ultimately, whether you choose to engage or step back, remember that traditional wisdom often holds true: when in doubt, reach for breast milk or coconut oil, and consult a professional when needed.
Keyphrase: Facebook moms’ group dynamics
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