In recent times, my marriage experienced a euphoric phase where I felt like a “newlywed,” deeply in love with my partner. We were in perfect harmony while parenting, often finishing each other’s thoughts. We appeared to be the ideal couple that others aspired to emulate. However, that bliss abruptly ended. We found ourselves embroiled in a fierce argument—one that felt straight out of a reality show, albeit without the dramatic drink-throwing (we don’t waste good beverages).
The argument was draining. We spoke, we raised our voices (yes, I was the one yelling; he merely winced, contemplating walking away), and ultimately, we resolved very little. I was overwhelmed with feelings of failure, exhaustion, anger, and betrayal. Where was my charming prince, the kind I believed all my friends had found? Why wasn’t my marriage as flawless as those I saw portrayed on social media? You know, the couples gazing lovingly at each other or embracing on a beach with dolphins leaping in the background.
Later that evening, I reached out to a friend, unsure of what I was hoping to achieve—probably not much. Open discussions about marriage were rare among my friends and family. Topics like finances and marital struggles were often considered taboo. Sure, we jested about our husbands driving us up the wall or their failure to do the dishes, but we never delved into the grittier details. Acknowledging marital issues felt like admitting defeat, a sentiment I carried as I navigated the highs and lows of my relationship.
My friend listened as I shared the narrative of our fight—its inception, development, and aftermath. She posed questions and offered empathy. I felt guilty for burdening her with my troubles, convinced she viewed my marriage as a colossal failure. To my surprise, she revealed her own struggles. Her marriage wasn’t perfect either; she described the hard work she and her spouse put in to maintain their relationship, openly admitting to their own rough patches.
“I had no idea,” I said, taken aback. “I thought it was just us.”
“It’s not just you; I think most couples have to work at it,” she replied.
This exchange left me pondering the rarity of candid conversations about marriage. While many openly acknowledge the challenges of parenting, why do we shy away from discussing the complexities of marriage? I felt a wave of relief upon realizing that even seemingly strong marriages encounter difficulties, and that overcoming them often requires effort. I now want to talk about marriage openly. I want to acknowledge that it’s tough. When two individuals unite, adding in finances, a home, children, careers, and aging, things can quickly become overwhelming. We need to lean on each other and stop pretending; the facade only harms our relationships.
I grew up with visions of fairy tales—Prince Charming, everlasting love, romance, and a perfect wedding leading to my happily-ever-after. I cherished that fantasy, but now I recognize its impracticality. What no one mentioned, what no one owned up to, was the reality that marriage is an immense amount of hard work. It’s not for the faint-hearted. There are moments of profound love and joy, but there are equally times of sorrow and frustration.
I wish someone had warned me about this. However, the truth is, there’s no real way to prepare. You find your prince, marry him, and start building a life together, only to realize that the beautiful dress marked the beginning of a journey that isn’t always idyllic. If our parents had been honest about the challenges of marriage and parenting, perhaps the human race would be at risk of extinction!
I now understand that marriage entails both highs and lows. I have experienced the ebb and flow and will continue to do so. I’m no longer afraid to share the truth about my marriage. It’s a work in progress, much like my writing, my children, and my attempts to embrace aging gracefully. It often falls short of the polished posts you see on social media. If you ask, I will be forthright because I refuse to pretend any longer. My marriage is both challenging and rewarding. I’m okay with that, and I embrace the same for your marriage—the good, the bad, and the messy. I’m here for anyone wanting to discuss marriage or any of the other tough aspects of life that demand effort and care—without any judgment.
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In summary, marriage is a complex journey filled with ups and downs. It requires hard work and open communication, yet it can also be deeply rewarding. By sharing our experiences, we can foster understanding and support for one another in our individual journeys.
Keyphrase: Challenges of Marriage
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