In the stillness of the night, while the rest of the household is enveloped in slumber, I find myself wide awake. If I could just drift off again, I might salvage a semblance of a good night’s rest rather than a mere catnap.
What contributes to my partner’s ability to sleep so deeply? I yearn for that kind of restfulness. Why does the role of motherhood often appear intertwined with sleeplessness? He looks so serene—perhaps I should snuggle closer to him. We ought to spend more time together, perhaps arrange for a date night soon. It’s been far too long since we’ve enjoyed an evening out.
Maybe we could hire a babysitter this Friday and catch that film everyone has been raving about. What was its title again? It’s right on the tip of my tongue. Oh, who stars in it? That actress married to Ryan Reynolds—what’s her name? The one who used to appear in that show with the trendy hairstyles. Ugh, why can’t I remember?
I should wake my partner to ask him; he’d know. So would that friend of mine who moved away last year. I ought to reach out to her; it’s been forever. A weekend getaway with her would be nice.
A weekend away? Really? I can hardly manage a phone call with my best friend these days. Speaking of which, I haven’t heard from her in a while. I hope everything’s alright. What if she’s upset with me?
Calm down… she’s probably just caught up with life. What if something serious has happened? I can’t believe I’ve been such a neglectful friend. I should reach out to her.
But back to that actress—what was her name? I used to be up-to-date on all the celebrity gossip. I could name every couple and predict their breakups. Now, I can hardly recall the names of Hollywood stars or enjoy a simple night out.
Perhaps I should change my hairstyle—consider going blonde, or maybe just let my natural color shine through. Why must women conform to societal standards of beauty anyway? We are all beautiful in our own right. Didn’t a famous actress once stop shaving? Okay, maybe that’s too far. I can at least think about booking a waxing appointment while I’m at it.
My dog is sure cozy next to me. But what is that odor? Did he just pass gas? Or worse, did he have another accident? Ugh, I wish he wouldn’t cozy up so close. He smells, and now my leg is cramping. Maybe I should incorporate more stretching into my routine. I’ve heard yoga is great for that. Everyone seems to rave about it. Perhaps if I embraced yoga like my partner does, I could find myself peacefully asleep.
What is that noise? Is one of the kids coughing? Great, he’ll probably wake up with a fever, and I’ll have to stay home with him. I have so much work to catch up on. I hope I’m not catching something too. Should I still get the flu shot?
I need to remember to stock up on oranges and vitamin C items at the store tomorrow. Maybe some vegetables would help fend off those nasty germs. When was the last time we ate healthy? Last night was pizza, and the night before was subs. Well, there was lettuce on the subs; does that count?
An hour has passed, and I’m still awake, still trying to remember the name of that actress who just had a baby. I bet she’s already back in her size 0 jeans.
I need to close my eyes. If I could just get a few minutes of shut-eye, I could at least pretend it was a longer nap. I should try that breathing technique I read about. Inhale for a count of seven, hold for seven, then exhale for seven.
Inhale… one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Hold… one, two, three, four. Gasp! Who can hold their breath for seven seconds? That’s impossible!
Maybe I should try meditation. It could be a great way to maintain my composure when my kids are squabbling. They might even ask why I look so calm, and I could just smile and say, “I’m meditating.”
Breathe in. Forget this. Breathe out. Forget this. Now, that’s a meditation I could commit to. Perhaps it would help me handle that demanding client who keeps pushing me to finish her project. What if she complains to my boss, and I end up losing my job? We could lose our home and end up moving back with my parents. Oh no, that’s a nightmare.
But maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. The kids would enjoy spending time with their grandparents. I should check in on my parents more often. I’m such a terrible daughter. I ought to express my love for them more frequently.
My children probably won’t reach out when they’re older. I need to tell them I love them more.
Blake Lively! That’s the actress! I wonder if she stays in touch with her parents…
Wait! I just remembered how to complete that client’s project! It’s a brilliant idea! She’s going to adore it, and my boss will be pleased. My worries will be over… if only I could catch a little sleep.
Perhaps I should get up and start my day since the alarm will go off in just thirty minutes. I’ll just rest my eyes for a moment…
27 minutes later…
“Mom! Time to get up! You’re such a sleepyhead!”
Sigh. How many hours until I can rest again? And what was that clever idea I had about Blake Lively?
In summary, the internal dialogue of a mother during the night often oscillates between mundane thoughts about daily life, personal reflections, and the overwhelming burden of responsibilities. This introspective journey reveals both the chaotic and humorous aspects of motherhood, highlighting the struggles of sleep deprivation and the desire for connection and self-care.
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Keyphrase: maternal insomnia
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