“Is Mommy feeling happy?”
My 2-year-old has recently begun to inquire about my emotional state whenever I exhibit signs of stress or frustration, particularly when she engages in behavior she knows may upset me. Initially, I found her question unexpected. It saddened me to realize that my little one could detect my frustration and was concerned that her actions might be the cause of my unhappiness. During this early phase, I would quickly put on a smile, masking my true feelings, and respond with, “Yes, Mommy is always happy!” This made her happy, and she would continue her carefree play.
However, I soon observed that while she could sense my emotions, she struggled with understanding the impact of her actions on others. After accidentally hitting her sister with a toy, she showed no regard for her sibling’s feelings. She also resisted helping clean up her mess and threw tantrums when things didn’t go her way. Each time I attempted to discipline her, she would look at me with wide eyes and ask, “Is Mommy happy?”
After a particularly intense tantrum from her, I firmly responded, “No, Mommy is not happy right now!” Her expression fell, and I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. How do I convey to a 2-year-old that while I may be happy overall, I am currently displeased with her behavior?
The reality is that mothers experience a spectrum of emotions—sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment, and exhaustion. These feelings don’t negate our overall happiness; they are a natural part of life. As I navigate the challenges of motherhood, I want my daughter to be aware of her actions and their effects on others. I aim to cultivate her sense of empathy and compassion while also encouraging her to express her feelings honestly.
Now, when she asks, “Is Mommy happy?” after misbehaving or when the dog has had yet another accident in the house, I might respond with, “Yes, Mommy is happy. But I feel a little sad that you yelled at your sister,” or “Yes, Mommy is happy. However, I’m quite frustrated that the dog peed on the floor again, especially since I just cleaned it!” Typically, she responds with, “Oh! Mommy (will) be fine,” and continues her activities without a care.
By reassuring her of my underlying happiness while also acknowledging my current emotions, I am also reminding myself that this momentary stress isn’t the end of the world. It doesn’t overshadow my happiness. I realize that happiness can coexist with frustration—even when it may not feel that way. “Yes, Mommy is happy, but she could really use a nice glass of wine and some peace and quiet right now.”
Mommy might be stressed, but she still wears a smile.
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Summary:
In navigating the emotional landscape of motherhood, it’s essential to teach toddlers about feelings and empathy. By acknowledging both happiness and temporary frustrations, parents can help their children understand the impact of their actions on others while fostering a sense of compassion.
Keyphrase: teaching toddlers about feelings
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