Since the initial publication of this discussion, we’ve welcomed another (and final) member into our already sizable family. I thought I had encountered all the inquiries and curiosities surrounding our larger-than-average household. I was mistaken. It seems questions about our big family are limitless.
Here are a few more notable queries I’ve encountered since the arrival of our seventh child, along with how I would respond if I were feeling less restrained.
- “Was this last one an accident?”
No, audacious stranger, but I’ll assume your question was simply a lapse in judgment. You’re dangerously close to my foot meeting your backside. - “How do you even find time for intimacy?”
Well—just between us, okay? Every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, we have a designated pizza and movie night. We sprinkle a bit of “Benadryl” on the pizza and let them watch a historical documentary until they’re in dreamland. Then, we can enjoy our time together until dawn, folks! - “How do you manage to feed them all?”
“Feeding” is a broad term, really. Typically, the kids draw numbers from my partner’s humorous “Breathe If You’re Horny” trucker hat, which seems to be an equitable way to decide who receives a hot meal for the evening. Occasionally, we spice things up with a Hunger Games-style contest in the backyard. We go all out—flaming arrows, scythes, and spiked morning stars included. It’s a blast for my partner and me. The kids don’t enjoy it much, but they love to eat, so they endure. Even the non-winners receive food—just bread, a dollop of ketchup, and water—but hey, it teaches them some survival skills. How badly do you want that taco, kid? It’s all about strategy! - “Have you ever left one of them behind?”
Of course! What parent hasn’t? That’s why we’ve opted for microchipping. We usually find them within 24 to 72 hours. It’s always worked out fine so far. - “Trying to compete with the Duggars?”
Definitely not. No thanks! - “Aren’t you worried that one of them might be gay?”
I’m more concerned about my children living in a world where bigotry exists comfortably. Please don’t assume my tolerance aligns with your intolerance. You might want to consult a stylist about your haircut, by the way. - And my personal favorite: “Wow! Your body must be ruined!”
Oh, look at you, making bold assumptions. I’ll take a wild guess that you’re referring to the common saying implying multiple births lead to a lack of tightness. Let me clarify: all my kids were delivered via C-section, which means I’m still intact. Ever heard the phrase, “I love the sound you make when you stop talking”? Well, that applies here. May your next check-up be conducted by Wolverine.
I understand that large families are not the norm. I’m more than willing to answer respectful inquiries that stem from curiosity. However, it’s the judgment-laden questions that cross the line. People may choose to have one child, twenty children, or none at all, and that’s nobody’s business but theirs.
While it may take a village to raise a child, if you find yourself asking questions like those above, it suggests that somewhere, a village is missing its fool.
This discussion was originally published on February 1, 2016. If you’re interested in more insights, check out this article on couples’ fertility journeys for intracervical insemination here. For information on enhancing male fertility, visit this link. Additionally, if you’re seeking reliable resources on pregnancy, consider exploring this page.
In summary, inquiries about our growing family can often be amusing but can also tread into disrespectful territory. It’s essential to maintain a respectful dialogue about family choices, whether they involve one child or many.
Keyphrase: large family questions
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