This past Sunday, I stumbled upon the fact that my son had his first Cub Scouts meeting last Wednesday—five days prior. How did I miss that?
I’m busy, sure, and I sometimes forget my own lunch, but my son’s first Cub Scouts meeting? That’s a big deal. It’s my responsibility—my child, my duty. His sister is also my child, and I’ve always taken charge of all the logistics: appointments, enrollments, phone calls—everything. It was my space to manage.
Or at least, it used to be.
After over five years of being divorced, I spent most of that time raising my kids alone, with no co-parenting dynamics in play. There were no shared decisions, no joint appearances at school events—just me in the parent-teacher conferences and alone in the stands during soccer games. It was tough.
Adding to the challenge, my ex-husband quickly remarried, and I had to navigate the awkwardness of that relationship. There was minimal communication, and I didn’t spend much time contemplating my ex’s new family. I viewed it as separate from what I had built with my children.
That mindset fueled my resentment. I was carrying the entire weight of parenting, while I felt he had disengaged. I believed that since he didn’t show up, I had to do both our jobs. On the surface, I relished the control—I made all the rules and orchestrated all the memories.
But beneath that facade, I yearned for assistance. I wanted someone to back me up, to handle the little things that piled up and made life overwhelming. It felt like wearing too many hats—disciplinarian, nurturer, entertainer—until I was completely worn out. Adulting is hard, and parenting is the hardest of them all.
With my parents living far away, every time I wanted to do something outside of my kids’ schedules, I either hired a babysitter or swapped care with friends. Then, two years ago, everything changed. My ex wanted to be more involved, beginning with one weeknight, then two. I was furious. He had missed significant milestones—toddlerhood, late-night fevers, ER visits. Who did he think he was, just stepping back in?
Yet, I didn’t want to stifle my children’s relationship with their father. So, I allowed them to spend more time with him and his new wife. At first, things went smoothly, but that was short-lived. As he began to express opinions about our kids’ activities, conflict arose. He joined me for discussions about schools and attended conferences. I absolutely hated it.
When the stepmother bought bras for my daughter, I lost my cool. These kids are mine, I thought. Why was this other woman involved?
As my children started spending weekends with them, we transitioned to a 50/50 custody arrangement. The realization that another family was making memories with my kids shook me to my core. I had longed for help, yet now that it was here, I was consumed by anxiety.
What if they did it wrong? What if he hurt them again? Couldn’t they see I loved them more? I felt that all their memories should be tied to me, as though they were possessions I alone had the rights to enjoy.
But then it hit me: they are not just my kids. They are also his and now their stepmother’s and stepfather’s. They have four parents, not just two. This realization reshaped my perspective. Our children are beautiful individuals who are loved by four people, not a competition where only one parent could win.
So, my ex may have missed out on some experiences, and I may have made it difficult for him in the past. But the present is different, and I have a choice. I can either cling to anger and insecurity, or I can embrace gratitude.
I appreciate that my children have a caring stepmother who chooses to be involved in their lives. I’m thankful for my new husband, who is adapting to our family dynamic and loves my kids tremendously. I’m grateful that their father is stepping up and taking the initiative to be a consistent presence.
Most importantly, I’m grateful for the help I have now. I can take time for myself, which allows me to be a better parent when my kids return home. This journey of co-parenting is a chance for growth and reflection—an opportunity to redefine our family dynamics.
I’m learning to communicate differently and discover what co-parenting means. This is a new chapter, and I’m ready for it.